I’ve had so much on my mind this week! I gotta get some of it out of there. (No promises on how coherent it will be.)

During a lot* of this week’s therapy I talked about how worked up and upset I get about feeling like things are taking too long or my time is being wasted (like last Friday). I wanted to jump right to “HOW DO I FIX ME AND MAKE THESE FEELINGS STOP?”

But obviously my therapist is going to dive in to that. She asked me to think about how judgmental I was being of myself and how I reacted to those situations. Which was true – in my mind it’s very much “wrong” and “over the top” for me to get so worked up over minor inconveniences and it’s something I should work at STOPPING. Is that not the case?!?!?!

She pointed out that that reaction is my body and mind trying to protect me because I’m trying to reclaim my time and those instances felt like a threat. This is 100% true – I am in therapy to try to get a better handle on anxiety and burnout and learn how to freaking relax.

So when she explained it like that, it did make sense, and I felt a little less bad about my reaction.

But then it hit me today – wait – does this mean I have to deal with hard emotions, and I can’t “fix” me? Because ideally I would just stop reacting this way.

At the beginning of therapy I told her I wanted to build a toolkit to handle my emotions and situations but I think the reality that these hard feelings won’t go away by working on them through therapy is just now hitting me. Ha. It’ll get easier of course.

No related photo so here’s me on the day I had therapy this week ha

*and this was discussed too