A lot of people share their anxious, unescapable thought cycles (thank you for sharing!) ā like reliving past mistakes, thinking about things you said that could be misconstrued, embarrassing moments, etc. ā and I want to share the crippling compulsive thought process I have. Maybe someone can make me feel better by relating?
Hereās a recent example from Sunday. I started my run (or so I thought) with sunglasses on my head and realized a mile in that they were gone. Did I leave them in the car? Did the fall off on the trail? Did someone take them? Would I ever find them? Should I run back to the car, retracing my steps? What happened to them?
Once I realized they were gone these thoughts were ALL I could think about until I knew what was going on with my sunglasses. For an entire mile, I wondered where they were. I told myself they were āfreeā and cheap to replace. I told myself maybe someone found them and left them. I tried to reassure myself. But I could NOT stop thinking about them. And it was making me crazy.
So I ran back toward my car and found them. Then chilled out.
These are small inconsequential things but I HATE how they consume my mind. Luckily I was by myself and it only affected me, but if something like this happens when I am with Steven or a group, it definitely affects my behavior and concentration. Heaven forbid I:
- Spill something on myself, and canāt stop thinking about it until I take it off and put it in the wash
- Notice a hangnail and canāt stop thinking about it until I trim it off or pick at it
- Paint something that I donāt like and feel upset until I put it in a different room
- Have a thought for a blog post in my mind and canāt do anything else until I write it down
Itās just such an odd thing, getting these thoughts or action items in my head and not being able to do anything else until I āresolveā them.
People love me for it at work though, because I am obsessive about getting things done. It also makes work a bit more stressful than it needs to be!
Itās not just you ā this happens to me all the time. Also those are cute sunglasses, so Iād worry about losing them too! My most ridiculous one is the fear that I might have left my flat iron plugged in, even if I havenāt used it prior to leaving the house. I only do it when Violet is going to be home alone, but Iāll run upstairs and check the bathroom outlets a few times and sometimes even take a picture of the empty outlet so I know for a fact that itās not plugged in. This one has plagued me forever. Once I actually turned around halfway on my way to work to go back and make sure I hadnāt left anything plugged in.
My grandma was the exact same way ā she had a sump pump in her basement that would occasionally flood, so anytime she left the house she would then worry that her toilet might have been running when she left. We all lovingly poked fun at that but it turns out Iām just as bad!
Thanks! Theyāre Goodrs! Which really are inexpensive but it would be annoying to have to replace!
I was thinking about examples like that when I wrote this ā like people who worry they plugged something in or left the garage door open, etc. I am glad you came up with the solution to take a picture of it, because what else can you do? How do we unlearn these habits?!
Ha! If I were her I would worry about that too. Basement floods sounds like SUCH a nightmare!!!
I thought they were! They are cheap, but too cute to lose!
LOL I worry about the garage door too. Like, I have it in my head Violet will somehow be able to open the door to the garage (she wonāt) and run away if I donāt close it. Which is silly.
Totally! I love the hot pink!
We need to get you a smart garage door opener so you can check the app on that! š You never know what Violet will learnā¦ š
Canāt offer any advice on obsessing over loosing things but have a pretty good idea where you got it from, lol.
Ha! The pocket t-square!
Probably never told you about the time I drove 1 1/2 hours back over a route where I ād lost something out of the back of a pickup I was hauling. It wasnāt that important but still bugged me. Didnāt find it, it was the next morning though.
OMG! I donāt think you told me that but I would do the same thing! So you found it in the pickup the next am?!
No, hauled a pickup on Saturday with some heavy pieces in box that werenāt going to bounce out. Get it home, tailgateās down, parts are gone. Drove the route Sunday morning just to look but saw nothing.
Oh darn š That sucks. Iām sorry.
And then one time his angel daughter lost her hubcaps somehow and thought NBD, but then he went and dug around in the ditches trying to find them. š
I am totally the same way, and my husband is not, so that can lead to conflict. I canāt stand to leave the dishwasher full of clean dishes or the dryer full of dry clothes. I put put everything away immediately. Like I canāt relax until I do. But he can leave them there for days and not care at all. This morning I couldnāt find the nail clippers and ignored everything else I had to do before work, because I HAD to find them.
Oh my gosh, yes to putting those things away and having to find things IMMEDIATELY. Does it make you nuts to have the dinner pots and pans and whatever sitting out dirty while you eat, too? Itās taken me a long time to get over that.
Oh absolutely. I try to clean as much as I can while I cook. I also have to empty the dish drainer first thing in the morning. My husband just doesnāt get it. I think itās a trait that makes me a great employee, and a pain in the @$$ to be married to.
Ha! I think my husband would say the same about me. I used to get so mad when Iād come home and want to put my lunch containers in the dishwasher but it was still full of clean dishes. Now it makes me nuts that I have stuff out on the counter drying.
Yes! Last night I got home and there were dishes in the dishwasher so I couldnāt out away my dirty lunch dishes. The special drying rack for baby bottles/pumpm parts was completely overflowing so I could wash and put dry my stuff from work, and then I went upstairs and the dryer was full too. Ahhhhh my worst nightmare. I probably could have been nicer about it š but it had been a long day!
Yep, and you just want to go home and unwind and start to relax but you have to take care of all of that!
All I have to say and your dad confirmed it. Family trait. I am right there with you both. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Ha! Now I know š <3
I totally get this. For example, I rarely lose things. So if I canāt find something, Iām obsessed. And irritable. One huge thing that has saved me is the find my phone app because I carry mine everywhere throughout the house and never remember where I set it down. Ipad to the rescue. Itās usually in my closet, doh. But I donāt consider that losing something. Hard to explain but I suspect you understand.
Yes, I 100% understand that! When you are someone who keeps track of your stuff, you lose your mind when something is misplaced! I am the exact same way. That happened to me yesterday with my Kindle. I thought it was on my nightstand and when it wasnāt I looked all over. Up and down the stairs, many times. It was under my pillow.
I have lost my iPad under my pillow as well as having made my bed with it in it, LOL.
Ha! And now you know to look in those places!
For me, it mostly happens in the middle of the night. I canāt get back to sleep until I resolve whatever it is. Itās usually not so much something I have lost, but something I forgot to do. Often, something I need to remember to do for work, so I have to either do it then, or write it down so I donāt forget it.
After you do it or write it down are you able to go back to sleep?
I get SO mad when I think of work things in the middle of the night! I actually tell myself āNO! Donāt think about that!ā (but usually send myself an email reminder too)
I didnāt read all of the comments, so may have been mentioned ā but I think this is your anxiety kicking in. I have anxiety about other things, and obsessive thoughts about it. If it becomes a problem, there is medications to help, or therapy! But sounds like it is just an annoying trait youāll have to put up with! Love you!
Yeah, itās definitely anxiety. I donāt think itās affecting me too much, in the big picture, but I do hate that I canāt get my mind off things. Most people would tell me to take CBD oil, lol. Love you too!
I mean, yes. I completely relate to this. I definitely get worried that I left the oven on (?!?!) even if I havenāt used it in a few days. The straightener/curling iron is a definite thing I worry about. (I try to say aloud to myself, āThe straightener is unplugged, it is turned off, it is not plugged in,ā and make sure I look at the plug of the straightener which is usually hanging off the counter, the power button on the straightener which is not on, and the outlet where there is nothing plugged into it. Typing all of that out makes me sound like a crazy person WHICH I AM.)
Obsessive thoughts are my kryptonite. Like, if I canāt find my phone or my earbuds or my keys or even something really stupid like a bookmark, I get so stressed out and cannot think about anything else until I find it. Even if I accidentally leave my phone at home, I get so stressed out, worried that maybe I dropped it (?!?!) and itās gone forever. UGHHHH.
Yes you do completely relate! GAH!!! How do we stop this! Because to your point, even when we tell ourselves that things are unplugged or that we know where they are WE STILL THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL WE CAN CONFIRM. Itās so debilitating.
Wow, it sounds like so many of us ā me included ā can relate to this, Kim! It is so frustrating but it seems like it is a hard trait to change (and maybe we donāt want to change it because in other areas it is actually a really valuable way to be, like at your job).
Yeah, I am not sure how we can change it except to go back in time and completely rewire ourselves!
This is me. Along with, apparently, everyone else who reads your blog! š
Mine typically hits in the middle of the night, though. Iām up frequently ā just the way life is, sigh ā and if my ābrain gets goingā, well, I can say goodbye to much more sleep. I try not to think during those times that Iām up. Ha.
And, much like Stephany, I tend to say things out loud so I remember ā either that I NEED to do them, or that I DID them.
I think this is just how a lot of us are. Wouldnāt it be weird ā albeit nice ā if we didnāt do this?
I feel much better after sharing this and realizing I am not alone, but I do wish there was relief for all of us!
I try not to get my brain going when I wake up either. Sometimes I will even think āNO KIM! DONāT THINK ABOUT THAT!ā (actually yelling at myself in my head). LOL. Also: sigh.
I think all of us have OCD tendenciesā¦ some more, some less, some that only attach to certain things.
I think you are right! I need someone to comment and tell me they are compulsive about NOTHING.
I donāt think that person exists š