For some reason, I was really excited that June 1st started on a Monday. I felt like it was giving me a “fresh start” – a new month and on a MONDAY! I was going to get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise, get everything done in the evening, and go to bed at 9:30.
Ha. Ha ha. My day quickly turned to crap around lunch time, and didn’t get much better. I suppose the gloom and rain in Chicago didn’t help either.
What’s so silly is that I know that ANY moment can be the moment to make a “fresh start” or change something. A phone call that bothers me in the morning shouldn’t ruin my day. I shouldn’t just throw my healthy diet out the window if I eat too much at lunch time. I’ve got to get rid of this “all or nothing” mindset!
I’ve been saying that forever…
And I’ve been thinking about this forever, which is just fueling the fire. I am sick of trying to “fix me.” I am sick of thinking about being healthy. I am sick of trying to figure out what makes me so anxious and impatient. I just want it all to go away. I just want it all to work ITSELF out.
I don’t want to think about it anymore.
So I’m going to pay someone else to think about it. I’ll see how that goes. I’ve had both bad and good experiences with therapy. Maybe it will be different now that I am an adult paying for it with actual health insurance (versus being in college).
Side Note: It totally cracks me up how many comments I got on yesterday’s “Attacked by birds” post! Thanks for all of your fun comments!
*hug* I am very proud of you for making the decision to reach out! I hope it gives you what you need…but don’t give up entirely if it’s not a “perfect” match on the first try. (I hope it is, though!)
you’ll have to let me know how that goes!! i so feel you and am in the same boat!!! (that would be the reason for no comments lately- i’m just so ugh!)
=^..^=
I, too, am sick of worrying about stuff and being in that all or nothing boat…about EVERYTHING. I like that you are going to pay someone to do your worrying and sorting out for you!
Oh, and the paper thing…I put together a packet of all my publications, and they vote…they voted positive in April, but I wonder if they thought that paper would get accepted…now that it will take longer, I wonder if they will change their minds and want to fire me. All or nothing. I am such a worry loser.
I’ve had a few fresh start dates come and go. Most of mine involves reactivating my workout regime, but there’s been a good amount of “in my head” sorting out that I’ve addressed in the past.
Good for you! I hope laying it all out will help you to see things more clearly.
If you can get over the all-or-nothing mindset at your age, you’re in great shape. You already are by being aware of it.
Good luck with the therapy. Make the effort to find someone who’s a good fit for you. Easier said than done, I know.
(An aside: you asked for my email in a comment to one of my posts yesterday, so it’s included above. Presumably you can check that field even though it won’t show up with my comment? If not, my yahoo addy is on my site by my profile.)
I hope being able to talk to someone else helps. I am glad to hear that you recognize when to do so. This crappy weather has gotten me a bit gloomy too.
Good for you for taking this step. I sought out therapy for a short time many years ago. I found it was refreshing to have an outsider listen to me and offer alternative views to the world around me. But, I also found that I was the only one who could work it out. Hopefully you will find the remedies needed to recoup a little balance in your life.
i’m the same way – i need some sort of outside marker or whatever to make a “fresh start,” even though i know rationally it can be done at any time. it helps to have something external to measure it by, though…
I think you’re making a really smart choice. We can’t do it all ourselves. As much as we want to! I hope you find a therapist you click with and that will help you progress to the place you want to be. I know therapy is helping me immensely.
Sometimes we need a little outside help, so I’m glad you’re aware enough to recognize that you need it! I hope it works for you because you’re awesome and should feel awesome!
Any moment can be a fresh start. It is super difficult to get over the all or nothing mindset… I struggle constantly (in fact happened tonight!) Others can give you new insight/new angle to see something. Good luck!
I am so much like you when it comes to this, it’s scary. I can have one bad/unsetteling things happen and it ruins the rest of my day. I will dwell on it until something else comes along. Yesterday I finally confronted my Dad about how unorganized our upcoming vacation is, and told him that this is why I dont travel with family. I felt so bad for the rest of the day that he might be upset with me. I couldnt stop thinking about it.
Food/Emotions are basically the same thing, at least for me. I try to think of each day as a fresh start. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt 🙂
I think it’s refreshing to have a fresh pair of ears….my cats are great cheap therapy, but sometimes I really need a RESPONSE and some nice thoughts on whether I am going crazy or not (I’m sure I am though).
Good for you, darlin. Sounds like a good move, at least to give it a shot, right? 🙂
That used to be something that my therapist would majorly stress: “Why do you keep saying ‘fix’? Why do you think there’s something about yourself that needs to be ‘fixed’?”
Also, I have been SO “all or nothing” in the past. If I “mess up” one day (with bad eating or by any other method), the rest of the day was a free-for-all for me to screw up without care. And tomorrow would be another day. I KNEW that that was BS, so I still dunno why I didn’t insist on having a “fresh start” right after “slipping”.
Good luck with the outside help; I thought I had mixed results, but it was probably for the best in the end. 🙂
Fresh starts are wonderful-good for you for reaching out and realizing that you might need someone else to talk to 🙂
diane – So far, it seems like a good match. I think you know why 😉
CourtneyInControl – The first meeting went well. I felt like she really understood me. She gave me some “tools” to use, but I think it will take awhile for it all to work.
Hotch Potchery – I think there are a lot of us “all or nothing” people. There must be, because the therapist could pinpoint my behaviors after only talking to me for 45 minutes. Ugh! I hope they don’t change their minds! That would make me worry too.
martymankins – Mine tend to come and go too. I can’t put too much into it, because then it becomes bigger than it should. It’s like I just have to let it happen… but I am too impatient. Ugh!
Gina (Mannyed) – I think it will! Or it will at least help me put things into perspective!
claire – I hope this all or nothing mindset is something I can overcome… someday! So far, I feel like it’s a good fit, but I think it will take awhile to really tell. I need to see how I progress.
Tony – And… the crappy weather continues! Meh 🙁
SoMi’s Nilsa – I think that is what will help – having a “fresh” perspective. But I know I have to work on it when we are not together. That will be the hard part – not slipping back into my old ways!
Alice – All of my external measures always fail me though! I hope you have more success than I have!
sizzle – Thanks. You are so right – I feel like I should be able to figure things out on my own, but I just can’t. And I can’t lay it all down on family/friends. It’s too much.
Susan – Thank you 😀
Jamie – Thanks! I hope I learn some good techniques to get over this mindset.
Scale Warfare – Do you feel like it has gotten any better for you as you’ve gone through your healthy lifestyle change? Or has that just given you another “all or nothing” outlet? That is what I sometimes worry about. That even if I am eating healthy and exercising, I am being too strict about it. I am happy you talked to your Dad. I hope he was understanding. I would feel guilty too, but it sounded like the issue really needed to be addressed!
kaylen – LOL! I wish my cat would at least ACT like he is listening to me!
LiLu – Exactly. It’s worth a try!
The Novice Berker – I do the free-for-all thing too. I have been doing it for a long time now. I just want to get away from it!
Bethany – Thanks 🙂 I have to admit that sometimes I DO need help outside of myself!