A little public announcement before the post: I feel guilty writing posts, when I have emails that need to be responded to, as well as over 400 unread items in my google reader. I feel guilty for responding to things slowly or late (like birthday announcements and other important news in posts). Please forgive me. Writing here is an outlet for me. It really alleviates stress, so it is the first thing I make time for. I really enjoy writing emails and reading blogs too. In fact, I am upset that my schedule has not allowed me to “catch up.” You all know how that is though. Anyway, my apologies. I hope to have time to catch up… some weekend? Okay, announcement over.
This year, both of our families have told us to “expect a smaller Christmas.” Or rather, they’ve apologetically told us they don’t have as much money to spend as in years past.
I’m guessing we’re not the only ones hearing this?
It makes me really sad that people feel like they have to apologize for giving less presents during the holidays. It makes me sad, because I know they are genuinely upset that they cannot give as much to us as they have before. And I know that no matter how much I tell them it doesn’t matter to me, it will still matter to them.
It’s hard not to let gift-giving become some sort of obsession during the holidays. You stress and stress over how much money to spend, what to buy, and then how they will react when they open it, whether or not they like it…
Our big thing is that we want to buy people things they actually WANT, rather than aimlessly searching for something, just to say “I got you a gift!” So, we started brainstorming ideas for people back in October. But, as my second cousin Denise wisely told me, “I stress about buying present every year because I never know what to buy for people. I guess we’ve all gotten to the point where we buy what we want and things that we don’t buy no one else can afford.” Ugh, exactly. For some people, it is impossible for Steven and I to come up with good gift ideas, unless they’re super expensive. People in our lives generally have what they want. Or sadly, we don’t know enough about our own family member’s interests to buy them something new they may enjoy.
So, we get caught up in this whole stress thing too.
I always have fun buying and giving gifts, but I do worry about finding that “perfect” gift.
Yeah, it doesn’t exist. And I have quit pretending it does. I am just going to enjoy the holidays.
I started thinking about all of this because my office is answering “Letters to Santa.” Children in impoverished neighborhoods write the letter to Santa at their schools and then the Sun-Times newspaper delivers the letters to organizations that buy and wrap the gifts these kids are asking for.
I didn’t participate (because I just started), but I think it really put things into perspective for a lot of people, answering a letter where a kid would ask for something so simple, like “a stuffed bear I can hug,” “anything Hot Wheels,” or “a Barbie.” One woman said it made her feel awful that a kid was asking for a $10 Barbie and she bought her own son a $200 PlayStation.
We all know we’ve become incredibly materialistic. We live our lives in pursuit of “stuff.” You want to earn more money at your job, so that you can get the “stuff” you want, and live in your preferred comfort zone.
And yes, we all think about this more around the holidays, maybe feeling a little guilty about it, maybe not.
I just want people to understand that “having less” at Christmas isn’t going to ruin the holiday for me. But there is really no way to alleviate someone else’s guilt.
Even though I said I was going to donate in people’s name to charities, I am feeling guilty not buying them something. I guess people aren’t as into that idea as I thought they may be and it might be seen as “not a real gift.”
Argh.
I happen to think the quality time together is the best thing. For me, I love playing games with family and friends so if we could do that, I would be ecstatic – if we had plenty of good food on top of that – well, that would just be heaven. Our holidays will be smaller this year too but I am planning to make my own homemade pasta noodles to give to everyone too.
You have the right attitude here girl! I hope you and your family have an awesome Christmas 🙂
sizzle – Oh no! I really thought that was a nice idea. You are getting a negative reaction from family and friends?
teeni – I agree with you! I just love playing games and eating food and telling jokes. And just catching up with everyone! Opening gifts isn’t the only thing you do that day… it’s not all that I think about 😉 Those pasta noodles sound good 🙂
javaqueen – Thanks! I hope you have an awesome Christmas too!
We downsized considerably last year, and went to ‘grab bag’ and ‘white elephant’ gifts. It ended up being a lot of fun, as we stretched it all out by trading off gifts. It cut down on the shopping stress too. We still buy gifts for anyone under 18 (or still in school), but we adults kind of figure we don’t need a lot of ‘stuff’.
I have always felt the majorly commercial-driven “spirit” of Christmas to be horrible, and it’s at its worst in most of the USA. And while the economic downturn is not good news, the silver lining to that cloud is, I hope, people’s realisation that Christmas isn’t about the money and expensive gifts and lavish feasts, but about togetherness and family. ,,,
p/s. I’ve started a new blog (the old one will continue to chug along, no worries), do drop by here and tell me what you think, k? 🙂
i stress about not finding the perfect gift, or even being able to buy anyone anything, but in the end, it doesn’t (or shouldn’t) really matter. like you said, everyone i know buys what they want anyways and trying to find something that i can afford that they want (or i think they would want) just stresses me out to no end. i agree with you though, having less at Christmas isn’t going to ruin it for me, i just love getting together with everyone and seeing them!!!
=^..^=
p.s… don’t feel bad about blogging!!! (or not commenting on blogs or whatever it may be!!!) everyone is busy and there are only so many hours in the day!!! just do what is important to you and everything else will be fine!!!
We go through this with my in laws. It’s not that there is a difference in funds between this year and last, with them it’s more of a difference between what they can afford and what my parents can. It makes me feel bad that they feel bad, because I’m definitely someone who believes that it’s the thought that counts, and I wish they didn’t worry about things like that.
We usually do an adopt a family type thing at work and people are super, super generous around here. Unfortunately it looks like we aren’t doing it this year, so I was listening to the radio this morning and several stations are doing giving tree type things and most were really sweet and sad, like you said, a kid who wants a teddy bear to hug, but then one mother called in and said her daughter wants an ipod and ipod stereo and her son wants a Nintendo Wii. Maybe I’m just cold hearted, but if you can’t afford to buy your children expensive gifts like that, should you really ask others to do it for you? I think when you ask for gifts for your children they should not be expensive like that.
Last year I “adopted” a family for Christmas. Instead of Steve and I buying gifts for each other we bought gifts for a family that couldn’t buy gifts for their young son. We also bought a few items for the parents as well. Every year I struggle with what you just wrote about. And each year I feel like we move further and further away from the real meaning of Christmas. I try to get involved with some sort of charity during the holiday season to keep me focused. This year unfortunately with things being in flux from recently moving I haven’t been able to do anything like that and it sucks. I think I will pick up some toys and bring them to Toys 4 Tots.
i’m in sort of the same boat as sizzle – no bad reactions yet, but *i* feel guilty that i don’t have anything tangible to give to people if i do donations! we’re considering that for my mom this year (she’s impossible – like you said, buys everything she already needs!) so we thought about donating an animal to a needy community via heifer.org or the like. but then we’re giving my dad an ipod, and i’m afraid it will look.. i don’t know, shabby next to the shiny fun ipod, and she gets a piece of paper saying we did something nice. meh. i don’ tknow.
Odie – I wish we would do something like that. I have suggested it for ’06 and ’07, with no response. Then this year, my mother and grandma brought it up to me. Go figure. Of course, we decided to discuss it at THIS Christmas for NEXT year.
*lynne* – I noticed that when I lived in Italy. Christmas was A LOT smaller. The decorations were less, the food was less, the presents… a lot less. But people still seemed happy! I will check out the new place.
CourtneyInControl – You know, the people who tell me there is going to be a smaller Christmas and apologize are the people who tell me not to get THEM a gift. So… yeah, that didn’t really relate to your comment. Oops. 😉
Jenn – Ah, the in-law parent jealousy. I am not even going to go there 😉 I agree that if you are not able to afford gifts for your kids, you should not ask for super expensive things. Some of the kids at our “letter-to-santa” thing wanted Nintendo DS games. Well, aren’t the DS’s expensive to begin with? It makes me wonder who is really needy and who is just milking it. Yeah, I am jaded.
Gina (Mannyed) – I would love to do that – adopt a family. Or even buy toys for Toys for Tots. Shopping for toys is fun!
Alice – I would feel weird for the same reason. And I bet even though she would be really excited about the donation, she would wish she had something to open, if your dad does. People are just that way 😉
I’d prefer smaller and fewer. Katie’s dad’s family does a gift grab bag with a $30 limit. One gift. I like that. Less pressure.
kapgar – How does the grab bag work? You draw names and everyone picks one? Is it like white elephant?
My family and I are only doing Christmas stockings this year. I have always bought lots of presents for the kids and at first I thought I would have a tough time not buying a lot of stuff. Instead my daughter and I have been having a great time baking and making little ornaments for friends and family. No stress of shopping just the fun of the holidays. It’s turning out to be the best thing we have ever done.
joanharvest – I would love to do that! Just give everyone something homemade and personal. If only I were talented at something… well, I can make things in photoshop! Like personalized calendars!
When we did our grab bag last year, we threw everyone’s name in a hat, and had the youngest draw out the first name. That person picked a gift and opened it. Then they drew the next name and that person could either open a new gift, or take the previously opened gift and give that person the new gift. Some things ended up being traded around several times.
With the white elephant, we started out similarly, but the person whose name was picked could take a gift from one person and give it to another, then take their gift and give it to someone else and so on, until someone finally had to open a new gift.
I think the best advice is to set the rules before you start. If something doesn’t work, change it the next year.
Odie – That sounds like so much fun. Especially the stealing and passing gifts. Does everyone seem to like it? I hope we try something like that!
Last year we did the homeade Christmas gift theme because Christmas was going to be a little light and it was the best thing ever. Our limit, $20 (per person) for supplies and that was it….believe it or not it was probably one of the most fun Christmas’ ever.
This year we stuck with the low limit and had a blast!!! We even told Santa, though he is hard headed, that he had a low limit too LOL 🙂
I sometimes think the last two years have re-energized my idea of Christmas. It is more about the time we spend together than what we are getting.
Felicia – That sounds like such a cool idea. And I love to “make” things on the computer. I think I could be really creative with that! Although… then I would just be stressed out about what to make!