Every once in awhile, Steven and I go to Sweet Tomatoes, our favorite buffet. We like it because they have a huge salad bar right when you walk in – that is the focus of the place. You make your salad and pay, then there is a little baked goods counter, soup counter, pasta counter, and sweets counter.

I have such a hard time going there.

Even though I make my healthy salad, and steer clear of the baked goods and grab a little dish of pasta… I just gobble it down. I get into some weird “buffet-dining” mentality that I need to eat my food as fast as possible so I can get up for more. And I always get more.

I’ve actually gotten better at eating slower at Sweet Tomatoes (and at home, and other restaurants), but every time I go there, I eat a lot more than I should. I don’t get a stomach ache or anything like that, but I just eat too much. Because it’s a buffet. And I feel all weird and rushed. And I feel deprived. And sad. Sad that I am not eating as much as I used to at a buffet, before I started caring about my health.

Today I was thinking about what it would be like to stop counting calories and just listen to my hunger. What would happen if I ate when I was hungry, rather than sticking to the allotted meals and snacks I have set up for myself throughout the day? Would I eat less? Would I eat more? Would I lose weight? Would I gain weight?

I really want to do that – stop counting, stop worrying. Stop thinking about it. But I don’t think I am ready. I really don’t think I am ready to live that guilt-free of a life. I have been having some binging issues lately. I’ve been avoiding some emotions, and eating them out instead. I feel that, until I conquer emotional eating, I may not be ready to listen to my hunger, because I am not really listening to it. I am letting my emotions dictate my eating patterns. And that just feels awful.

I am just going to see how the next few weeks go. This is a stressful time for me. I’d still like to lose some weight, and I think counting calories may be the way to do that. Oh, and avoiding the buffet.

On the side: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone help me with wordpress. I could not login to my admin panel tonight for a very long time. It just kept resetting every time I entered my login and password. I tried a million things to fix it, and nothing worked very well. I am not sure what finally got it.