I’ve recently received conflicting commentary on how I spend my time. It’s ranged from “you must have time for that, since you don’t have kids,” to “you’re so busy, Kim, how do you have time for anything?!”

Well, which is it? Ha ha. Do I have all the time in the world or not?!

It’s always a bit of a shock when you’re reminded other people are thinking about how you spend your time (why do they care?!), and mostly likely, how they’d spend your time, if they were you.

I’m certainly not immune to it. When you study to become a certified personal trainer, you learn a lot about the reasons people don’t exercise, and ways to encourage them to do so. The number one reason people give is that they don’t have enough time. So, yes, when people tell me they don’t have time to exercise, my brain automatically thinks “I bet you do!” and tries to come up with solutions to “fit it in.”

But you know what? I never share those solutions unless asked. And I feel guilty for thinking of them, at all. Because I very much believe we should all do whatever we want with our time, however our lives are set up. We all get the same amount of hours in the day, do what you can with them! (Just, please, don’t act surprised when you don’t get the results you’d like because you didn’t spend your time in the manner to get them.)

Are you surprised when people comment on how you spend your time? Do you get a range of comments about it?

I wrote about this almost two years ago, and feel that I have gotten much better at not filling all my free time with things to do, and at not caring (mostly, at all) what people do with theirs, since then. I’ve gone through a cycle. After college, when I was getting used to working full time, I was exhausted most nights and just wanted to stay in. Then one night we went out for a movie on a weeknight, and it didn’t kill me so I realized weeknights could be for social activities, too! So then I started scheduling more of them… hence getting to having too much (for me) going on. Now I have a pretty decent balance. We have something going on most weekends, and I am out of the house two weeknights, working, but I really try to protect my “down” time at home, with the boys, because I know it keeps me sane.

Awhile ago, me and a few people were all buying (individual) greeting cards for the same person. We were discussing if anyone had bought or sent their card yet – no one had done either. In fact, I had plans to stop at Hallmark that day to get mine. Good thing I didn’t mention it! By name, anyway…

“I am getting mine today, but NOT at Hallmark. Their cards are so impersonal and tacky,” said one person.

Um… they are? I didn’t think so… I have found cards there that say exactly what I want to say to someone, only better. I have also found beautiful blank cards, where I can write whatever silly thing comes to mind. I have found great cards other places. I have spent under a dollar on a card. I have spent $10. I have had cards custom made! I thought… gosh, I thought it was the thought that counts. The intention and content, not the brand. I have loved a homemade card as much as I have loved a note sprawled on a sheet of ripped out spiral-bound paper. A card (or note, whatever), to me, in a digital time (har de har har me so old) is just so thoughtful and deliberate. I’m not getting bent out of shape over where it’s from.

The way this person reacted made me think they would be offended if they received a Hallmark card. Sigh. Everyone is entitled to their opinions on products/brands, but the amount of disgust over Hallmark simply shocked me.

And now is the point in the post where I’m not sure where to take this. Because while I think “it’s the thought that counts” for a (sincerely, of course) sent card, I don’t feel that way about every material gift. And I don’t feel like it would be fair for me to publish this without mentioning that (even though they are two separate arenas).

There are people I wish wouldn’t buy me things, and would get to know me, instead.  I have received completely thoughtless (in my opinion) gifts that did make me feel offended. I have been upset, when I told someone over and over “I don’t like that,” and “I don’t want that,” and they still gave it to me. I have been frustrated when I’ve asked someone to stop buying me things in general, yet, they still do.

Ha. You thought the Hallmark-hater was the bad guy in this post? It seems like it’s really me! Why can’t I just be grateful for generosity? Why do I have to question it?

Don’t worry – I am not like that all the time. I am not like that often. I am a grateful person. And, I know I have been on the other end, too. I am sure I have given people things and they are thinking “Another xyz from Kim?!” I have wished I knew someone better and was spending time with them instead of buying them something.  I know I have given thoughtless gifts.

But I hope I’ve never given a thoughtless card. And I hope no one has ever been disappointed I sent them one from Hallmark!

If I had a mantra for the year, that would be it – one thing at a time. 

You know how people have that thing they talk about all the time without realizing it? But when they get started you are thinking “here they go again!” or “give it a rest, already!!!”? Ha ha. That is going to be me, this year, with talking about wanting to focus on one thing at a time, and doing it by disconnecting (online) a bit more.

I have run across a few articles talking about this being a trendy resolution for the year – people trying to get away from technology. I don’t want to do that 100%, per se – I love the internetz, blogging, and connecting with people online. What I don’t love, however, is how freakin’ distracted I am, and most of the time now – online and sometimes in person.

It’s kind of sad that the only time I can truly focus is when I am on a run. I had all weekend to write my workout for strength class tonight. When could I focus on planning it out? In my head, on my long run this am. I do have my phone with me when I run, for safety and photos, but that’s all I want to use it for. Running is basically the only time I can be alone with my thoughts without distraction (self-inflicted or otherwise). A few people have told me how cool it is that the new Garmin watch will show you incoming texts. Um… that is fantastic, but would really distract me if I had it.

And that is the thing – I wonder how much of this is in my control? Can I work toward becoming less distracted or is it hopeless? Ha ha. Of course it isn’t! But I have to be mindful about it, and that is the thing I am struggling with to start with – mindfulness!

As I mentioned last week, I am reading a book about this subject (hence me going on and on and on about it…). One section of the book mentioned how we get online and start doing so many things, and eventually get used to that state of “continuous partial attention.” Um, yeah, that describes me, a lot of the time (online and not, unfortunately). And how about this blurb, describing how that state makes us feel?

Um, yes. All that communication coming at you is addictive, and to use Dr. Small’s word, “irresistible.” It excites me, to have so many things going on at once. But to what cost is it? I am NOT a supertasker. I do my best focusing on one thing at a time. Why do I keep trying otherwise? Why, why, why?

So I have been trying really hard to get better at this. It’s stupid stuff, like when the phone rang when I was writing this, I got up and talked on it in a different room, instead of playing on the computer while on the phone. I turned my phone text notification off so I could focus on writing. I made sure I wasn’t doing anything in any other tabs. There were emails I wanted to write and people I wanted to gchat, but I held off on it.

It’s silly I have to be so mindful about it! But I feel better when I am!

Anyone else feel like they get caught in a state of “continuous partial attention”? What do you do to get out of it?

I wanted to make sure to give you an update on Data! I think it’s safe to say he’s on the road to recovery (although we need to see if he needs follow-up bloodwork, still). He felt well enough to attack me while I was knitting last week, and to let me know he wanted to be fed… by biting me. He’s eaten his normal amount of food this weekend, plus some! Yay! My little sh*t is back!

Typically, I am not very appreciate of Data’s early morning, before the alarm clock, “feed me right meow!” wake-up calls. I can get up just fine on my own! And you can wait to eat, Data!

But this morning? I was more than appreciative that Data was waking me up thirty minutes before my alarm, at 4:00 am. I was excited to offer him some food when I got up. I was excited to see he ate a bit!

And I was pumped when I got home from my run and he was crawling all over my desk, asking for more food. And again, when he ate it, along with part of his breakfast.

Phew. I hope he is on the mend.

On Saturday am, he threw up an abnormal amount, in a short amount of time (he rarely throws up). We took him to the vet, and they did blood work, and gave him some anti-nausea meds and fluids, and had us fast him for 24 hours. I was expecting him to be BEGGING for food during those 24 hours. Nope. More throw up (thankfully, not as much) during that time, and when the 24 hours was over on Sunday, he didn’t have any interest in food. On Monday the vet called and said he has pancreatitis, and to monitor his symptoms at home, but that if he starts drinking and eating, he should get better on his own.

Sigh. So I continued food journaling for Data. He took a single bit of food Monday and Tuesday. That was it. He was acting cuddly and sweet, and I was trying not to worry… but I could feel fear building up inside me. Fear of losing him.

Needless to say, I was in a deep funk at the beginning of the week. And felt guilty any time I left the house (and left him).

But thankfully, he ate a bit more last night (and we put some water in his wet food to get him to drink), and as I mentioned, again, this morning. I really hope he is back on the mend! I want my “whining for food all the time” cat back!

It became more apparent to me, how much magazines are struggling, when I saw this blurb in the January/February issue of Runner’s World:

I was actually confused when I got the issue – confused that it was a two-month issue. I had recalled them printing every month. So that explained it.

That blurb made me feel disappointed (and it made me laugh – I always feel like an impostor reading Running Times since I am not “competitive” or a “front-of-the-pack” runner) – first, that they were shifting their focus more toward online content (which I struggle to read), and second, that they are really cutting back even more on my favorite running magazine, Running Times.

I realize it’s odd that I have an aversion to reading articles from a magazine online, since I read so many blogs and other news stories also, online. But, the ones I can pay attention to, all the way through, are on the shorter side. There’s just something about magazine articles (and books) that makes me lose focus.

I’m currently reading Michael Harris’s The End of Absence: Reclaiming What We’ve Lost in a World of Constant Connection, and highlighting the hell out of it. Right away, two blurbs in the beginning of the book gave me some insight as to why I struggle with longer online content:

(apologies for these being out of context)

To Manguel’s point – yes, I do feel like I “speed” through digital text with urgency. There is so much of it – and for that I am grateful – but I also have that “NEED TO READ ALL THE THINGZ!!!” feeling, which, yes, makes me want to rush, from one thing, to the next. What am I missing out on while I am reading this right now?! Hurry and go find out!

Carr’s paragraph is really out of context, but in that section of the book, Harris is discussing how our minds are constantly adapting, changing, and molding to the world/stimuli around us. So, our brains have been taught to absorb online content differently than a “real” book or magazine. As Carr says, we absorb information less effectively, skip to the bottom of paragraphs, and are constantly shifting focus. Yeah… that definitely describes my online reading habits, from time to time!

I honestly did wonder why I lose focus on longer online articles and books so much before, and reading those two blurbs helped me understand it. I am not sure if it’s something I want to “fix” though! I just tend to get more out of something I can physically hold, dog ear, highlight, make notes on, put down and come back to… The content sticks with me longer when I read something that way. It’s completely fantastic to have some much information online for reference, but it just doesn’t “stick” as well as when I read it in hard print.

And I am not even getting in to the “feel” of reading something. A magazine or book feels warmer to me that reading something online. And look at online articles – if you are reading on the website and not in some rss aggregator that filters out all the ads and links to other articles, it feels so busy, and spammy! Of course, the rss aggregator feels cold and sterile (but that helps me focus, more).

So… I will continue to read magazine and books, even though they seem to be dying out, and even though all of that content is eventually online (and usually, for free!).

Do you still subscribe to magazines? Do you feel like you rush through online articles, or skip around the content while you are reading them, and lose focus?