Oops
I just remembered something funny/cringe from the marathon. I wanted to wear a WWM (Workout with Marybel – my gym) top in bright pink. The one I brought also has words on the back that I thought my backpack would cover up –
It says “I don’t want to look skinny I want to look like I could kick your ass.”
But, um, yeah, apparently my backpack did not cover it up. I wonder what the people running behind me thought! Eek!
Moving on.
I did my first run since the marathon today! I naturally woke up early and decided to go to WWM Run Club before upper body class. I ran 3 miles and felt good. I felt really good at lower body class yesterday (my first class back) and at class today too. CRAZY THAT I FEEL SO GOOD AFTER RESTING ALL WEEK! Not. I am looking forward to feeling energetic in class again!
The rest of Denver
I was in Denver a long time for my marathon! What else did I get up to?
First, I should mention the reason I was able to stay for so long is because Val and Steve are wonderful hosts with a beautiful and welcoming home. Thanks for letting me crash for so long!
WEDNESDAY
I worked a half day, then flew out of Milwaukee around 2:00 pm CT and landed in Denver just before 4:00 pm MT. Flying out of MKE is so wonderfully easy. I’ll pick it every time I can afford it.
How many cats are in this photo?
Val and Steve picked me up and we hung around at the house for a minute then went to King Soopers to get food to make a stir fry for dinner. While we were there the most adorable elderly lady in a motorized shopping cart asked us for help finding the Hoisin sauce. I finally located it on the top shelf – she never would have found it! She was so sweet saying “thanks” and “I used to help little old ladies when I was your age, and now I’m a little old lady.” Ha.
It’s funny how I cook when I am at Val and Steve’s. I rarely cook at home!
We ended the evening with rock painting.
THURSDAY
I worked 6:30-12:30 on Thursday and it sucked. It was full of stressful meetings and new task assignments that feel out of my wheelhouse. I was so happy to be off at 12:30.
Val and I enjoyed a charcuterie board,
then we drove (well, I drove! Val lets me drive her Jeep) to the Anne U. White trail in Boulder. It’s a lovely trail along a babbling creek. We must have crossed the creek (on big stones) 12 or more times?
It was a beautiful day with the perfect amount of shade and lovely conversation.
We ducked a Jeep when we parked and when we got back we saw we got ducked. Val was so excited! She’s had her Jeep since 2020 and this is only her second time getting ducked! And the first time was a few weeks ago.
We decided ice cream was a necessity and went to a mall with a new-to-us ice cream place.
Then we stopped at King Soopers to get pizza ingredients and went back home and made pizzas, then…
painted! Val and I were giggling so so much over this rock:
FRIDAY
We started the day off with rock painting, went on a 3 mile run, then painted more and did a video call with Anita in the Netherlands. Oh! And Val made a pie and I licked the bowl and spoon. Ha. And she made more vegan banana bread.
Picture I took to show Steven my three drinks – water, water with Liquid IV, and a chai.
We got chais from Allegro Coffee on our way to the expo.
Val got all of us these cute hats!!!
Then we went to Vegan Van. I got the breakfast sandwich and Val got the chalupa. We also got donuts from Pandemic Donuts but tried them later and they were meh (dry) so we threw them out.
Next up was the expo, which I talked about here. We ducked a Jeep on the way in:
I felt weird reaching into someone’s car! Hopefully they liked it.
I forgot to mention that people at the expo kept asking if we were from Maine. It was a fun conversation starter.
While at the expo I got the text from Steven that he passed his exam. Yay!!!! He called me on the ride back and told me all about the test. They pay attention to sections you don’t do well in and focus on those on your oral exam!!!! Jerks!
New Goodrs
We stopped at King Soopers (that’s 3 days in a row for those keeping track) to get a congrats balloon for Steven.
We went home and painted, then left around 7:00 for dinner at Aloy Thai. I got drunken noodles, which I thought I was getting for the first time, but it turns out they are the same thing as Pad Kee Mao, which I have had!
Then we headed to the airport to pick everyone up. Tiff and Trudy’s flight came in around 9:00 and Steven’s came in around 9:30 but they all landed early and came out minutes apart from each other. That couldn’t have gone better!
We drove back and were already being loud and cracking jokes in the Jeep. I loved it. When we got home we all had pie and made more ridiculous jokes, then called it a night.
SATURDAY
I really wanted to sleep in Saturday but was up at 6:00. GAH! I just could not get enough sleep on this trip. Making up for it now.
We had a slow morning of chatting, and eating a delish breakfast – hashbrowns, pancakes, and eggs. Everyone was really complimentary of my pancake recipe and that made me feel good (I mixed the batter – Steve cooked them all).
Obviously, we painted after breakfast. And look who joined us!
Oops, forgot to credit Steve for that photo.
It was Steven’s first ever time rock painting!
We got so into our painting that we were a little late for our appointment – we all got different ear piercings shortened. After that, we went to King Soopers (obviously) and got a bunch of avocados to make guac.
We made the guac, painted some more, then got so into painting again that we went to leave for a linner (not a typo) reservation and a few of us (including me!) almost forgot our phones! We were in the painting and chatting zone.
We went to Watercourse Foods, an entirely vegan place, and Steven got the cuban and I got the gyro. We were shocked when someone from Trudy’s high school (in Minnesota) worked at the restaurant and was there! She knew they lived in Denver, but still!
After that we walked to VooDoo to get some donuts, then drove home. We stopped for a group photo,
and a jumping photo!
When I got back I started prepping all my marathon stuff
then painted a bit and tried to go to bed!
SUNDAY
I ran the marathon. You can read about most of my day here!
Shortly after our late lunch, it was time to take Steven, Tiff, and Trudy to the airport. Tiff was trying out this quick weekend trip to see if she could get in more time with us during the year. Her schedule is tricky since she’s a teacher. She said she enjoyed it, and I did too, but I really needed some more Tiff time. Thankfully I will see her in just over 9 weeks.
On the way home I decided I needed to eat something other than pie so I got a burger from Burger King and ate it the slowest I have ever eaten a burger while I iced my legs.
Then I worked on a Shitterfly magnet order ($1 magnet day, y’all! Thanks for the tip Bobbi!), and painted. I had more dessert for dinner (not pictured: some potato chips),
then we painted some more! This was our earliest time calling it, around 8:30 pm. I talked to Steven on the phone for about 30 minutes then read and fell asleep. Then woke up at 3:00 am with sore legs and could not fall back asleep! UGH!
All my rocks as of Sunday evening
MONDAY
I was up early, again, but that’s okay – more time with Val and Steve! We went on a walk, ran an errand, and painted, then I was off to the airport at 10:30. I felt really sad being dropped off. Leftover marathon emotions and not wanting to go back to real world responsibilities.
I made myself sit down and eat real food at the airport:
Then I got a chai since my snis sent me a congrats note and a Starbucks giftcard. I really cut it close getting that and making it to boarding on time. That Starbucks was slooooow.
Of course they boarded late and I stood in the Southwest line chatting to people. I met a lady who does hound reiki and another lady who has cats. I ended up giving her a cat rock when I deboarded.
I wanted to sleep on the plane but worked on my marathon recap. I just couldn’t sleep!
I stopped for gas on the way home and was home by 5:30 and unpacked by 6:00! Steven made pasta for dinner (I still wasn’t hungry but knew I needed to eat) and we went to bed EARLY (asleep by 9:00). Perfect!
I love my time with Val and Tiff! Trudy, Steve, and Steven fit so well into our group. It’s such a nice escape to be fully present with your friends creating, laughing and being silly, sharing the hard stuff, working out together… I feel so grateful rock painting brought us together, and that these connections keep bringing more awesome people (Trudy and Leah!) into my life. I can’t wait to see Val and Tiff again this summer. Steven and I are going to Vail with Val and Steve in June, and Val and Steve, and Tiff and fam are all coming to the river in Iowa in July. They’ll be with me for my 40th!
Knowing we will see each other again soon really helps with the sadness after we part. Not the part of the sadness that has to do with going back to adulting though. UGH FML.
Random Thoughts Thursday 452
- Steven took the FAA Written Knowledge Exam last Friday, and passed! I’m so proud of him! It’s an interesting/confusing process. He had to take practice exams at home, pass them, and get an “endorsement certificate” from the practice test company to say that he was ready to take the knowledge exam. And he had to take and pass the knowledge exam to get endorsed to do a required longer cross country flight. After he does that flight (it’s scheduled for next week with a backup the following weeK) and a few other specific flying hours he can sign up for the oral exam and final check flight.
- Have you seen the new Discovery mug series at Starbucks? Ugh. I cannot collect another series! I wonder if this means they are phasing out the Been There series?! WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME STARBUCKS. ($$$$$)
- I’ve been focusing on getting more sleep after the marathon, and am glad to see my body battery increasing. I was averaging 6 hours of sleep (or less!) a day in Colorado and that’s not enough. We were going to bed early enough, I just couldn’t sleep. Horrible timing for that.
- I have a mani/pedi today and am curious to see how beat up my toenails under my nail polish. I think three of my toenails are black, and one already feels loose. Ick.
- The official FREE race photos came in yesterday. There was over 70 with me in them! I love that there were so many and that they are free. Of course, I don’t look like I am running in most of them. That’s okay! You can see what I mean about trying to smile for most of the race:
Leg 1 on the trail
Leg 1 in the stadium (the photo is edited (by them), it was not that dark out!)
Leg 2 at the lake (more accurate depiction of sunniness)
Leg 3 at the college (digging REAL deep to smile here)
Leg 4 on Colfax
A more accurate face on Leg 5 on the trail:
This lady was really annoying, and would run in front of me then stop to walk for a minute then get in front of me again for a minute to run, then walk for a minute, and so on. Please do your thing but not right in front of someone! Gah. I forgot how obnoxious that was until I saw this photo. And I know I don’t need to tell you which lady it is. (I looked her up and she had a much steadier paced race than me, so that method works! JUST BE AWARE.)
I love the finish line pics!
Me and Tiff
The relay team!
Leah, Trudy, Tiff, Val, me, & Steve
Reading Update (2024 #28-30)
[28] Beyond What Is Given (Flight & Glory, #3) by Rebecca Yarros
Fiction / Women, Saw on Kindle Unlimited/next in series, Kindle
Synopsis: After failing her last semester of college and doing something she feels horrible about, Samantha is looking for a fresh start. She leaves her home state of Colorado and moves to Alabama to take classes at a community college and moves into a house with her former next door neighbors, and their housemate Grayson. Grayson has been shut off and mysterious to his housemates for years – they know next to nothing about him. But he and Samantha immediately have a fiery chemistry and she really wants to bring those walls down and get to know him.
Review: All the things I want to share about this book are spoilers. Sigh. So let me say the non-spoilery thing – Samantha and Grayson are friends with the characters from the first two books, you know, the ones who wouldn’t communicate? And those characters told Samantha and Grayson to communicate, so there is much less of the communication trope in this. Woo hoo! But WHOA, this book is such a freaking roller coaster. In a good way. In a “I have to finish this and see how they end up together! I know they will because it’s a romance!” SPOILER: This book is nuts. Grayson has been going to his hometown in NC a few times a month because he has a girlfriend who has been in a coma for five years! Then she wakes up about halfway through the book! And one of Grayson’s sisters (he has like 3-4?) is an absolute B word and wants Grayson to stay with his girlfriend and is HORRIBLE to Samantha. OMG the drama. So good. It was like reading a soap opera.
Recommend? Yes
[29] Hallowed Ground (Flight & Glory, #4) by Rebecca Yarros
Fiction / Women, Saw on Kindle Unlimited/next in series, Kindle
Synopsis: December and Josh (main characters from book #1) finally live together after doing the long distance thing. December is finishing up her degree and deciding if she wants to do a summer away at a dig site, and Josh is a medevac pilot for the Army. Almost immediately after moving in together, Josh is deployed to Afghanistan. December knew this is the life she was getting in to, but didn’t expect it to happen so fast.
Review: This book is a crazy rollercoaster, but in a different way than the last one. This one gets back to communication breakdowns, and major lack of communication, and ugh, I wanted to finish it, but these two drove me freaking crazy! I did like that the book also updated on the other characters from the series, and now I will finish the series up.
Recommend? Nah
[30] Funny Story by Emily Henry
Fiction / Romance / Romantic Comedy, because I will read all Emily Henry, Kindle
Synopsis: Daphne’s fiancé Peter broke up with her to be with his childhood best friend, Petra, and asked Daphne to move out. Daphne moved to Michigan because Peter is from there and doesn’t know anyone or have a backup plan, so she moves in with Petra’s now-ex, Miles. At first Daphne and Miles are just existing together, then they go out once and she realizes he’s a cool guy, and agrees to a summer of him showing her around his town in Michigan.
Review: Sadly, this book didn’t have the Emily Henry banter and charm that some of her books do. I liked it, it just didn’t have that sparkle. It was a robust, layered story about Daphne figuring out how to be herself outside of a relationship, and about finding place and making new friends as an adult, but, eh, I wasn’t super invested in her and Miles. In the beginning they make Miles out to be a loser. Then you realize he isn’t and you think he and Daphne are going to do the pretend relationship thing to mess with Peter and Petra and that sounded entertaining, but they didn’t really lean into that. Just feel a bit flat for me.
Recommend? Nah
2024 Denver Colfax Marathon Race Report
Oooo, the Denver Colfax Marathon. What a doozy. Let me give you the highlights then you can really get into the nitty gritty if you want!
RESULTS
I finished in 5:48:59 – my slowest marathon time to date (this was my 11th marathon). When I signed up for this race I predicted a 5:00 finish. As I saw the temps closer to race day, I told Steven and our friends it would be closer to 5:15-5:30. Then I ended up at 5:48:59. It wasn’t so much a “crash and burn” (although there was burning, of my skin) situation as much as a slow fade. It turns out it wasn’t so much the lack of oxygen I should be concerned about at a higher elevation, but proximity to the sun. But we’ll get to that.
I’m proud of this race. I had a huge positive split but I kept moving and battled a lot of mental demons and won with the help of Steven and our friends. Woo hoo!
BEFORE
I arrived on Wednesday to acclimate to the altitude as much as possible (thank you Val and Steve for hosting and taking care of me for so long!) before the Sunday marathon. I felt out of breath on a walk that day, a little better on a hike on Thursday (but then woke up with a bad headache that night), and decent on my Friday run. I drank SO MUCH water each day, and took Liquid IVs as race day got closer.
EXPO
The race expo was at the stadium where the Broncos play. I was excited to see it up close! I’m not a sportsball fan but I think it’s neat to see places like that.
Val and I went to the expo after lunch on Friday. I was signed up for the marathon, and Val was signed up for the marathon relay with Steve, Tiff, Tiff’s friend Trudy, and Tiff’s sister-in-law Leah.
Let’s take a second to explain who everyone is. Val and Tiff are two of my best friends, that I met through rock painting, and meet up with as often as possible. Steve is Val’s husband. Steven is MY husband. Trudy is Tiff’s best friend from her dancing days (she used to dance in shows on cruises) that we met in November and adored, and Leah is Tiff’s husband’s sister, who is also an absolute gem that I was meeting for the first time. Okay, moving on.
It was easy to park, figure out where we needed to go, then pick up our bibs. The expo was set up in one of the concourses behind the seats. So not a big expo hall, but a big hallway, if that makes sense. After we got our bibs we walked by the official marathon gear. I was disappointed a pullover I liked only went up to women’s size large. Women’s sizing is so bizarre and the large looked like a medium to me. Oh well. In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t buy it.
We had fun walking through the expo. They had one path through that forced you to walk by almost all the booths. At first I didn’t spend any money, then ended up with a bright pink Colorado 303 running tank, magnets from each state I’ve run a marathon in, a book, a case for my race dots, and a new pair of Goodrs.
And when I saw you could get a CAT(!!!!) bobblehead from the State Farm booth, Val and I both made them! We had a fun time.
FRIDAY & SATURDAY
We’d tried to keep it as chill as possible but did leave the house a couple times each day. I’ll do another post on our time together with the entire group. We had so much fun together. There were so many times us four ladies would be sitting painting and just dying laughing. I loved it so much.
RACE MORNING
(switching to present tense for whatever reason)
I wake up at 3:55 (after fitful sleep) and have all of my clothes ready to go in the bathroom, and my hydration bag packed in the kitchen. The only hiccup is when I put my phone in my waterproof case the wrong way and it sounds off the emergency alarm. Ahh! I stop it as quickly as possible and thankfully don’t wake up Steven.
We needed two cars for all our people, and divided the cars by start time. Steve and I had the earliest start – 6:00 am for the marathon and first leg of the marathon – so the two of us leave the house at 4:40 and park near the course start in City Park (the others left the house at 6:00 am and went straight to the leg 1/2 relay exchange). It’s nice to have a bit of a walk to warm up. And it’s nice to have Steve drive. And to have Steve help me put Body Glide on my shoulders. All the thanks to Steve! Even more thanks to Steve below.
(Also, thanks to the race event for having the foresight to have this start so early. It was always slated to start at 6:00 am, but I think that helped with the heat.)
I eat my peanut butter sandwich on the walk to the park (I had a banana at the house). We see a huge bank of porta potties and hardly have to wait – winning the race morning jackpot! We go to Corral O. I realize my phone lens is all gunky (from sunscreen and vaseline, I’m sure) and a stranger has lens cleaner wipe with him. Woo hoo, thanks!
There’s a beautiful rendition of the national anthem, then the corrals start every 45 seconds. Me and my friends doing the relay had made a plan to share all our locations on WhatsApp, and I’d also told Steven and another friend I would send them a Glympse. Val sends us a reminder to share WhatsApp locations and I’m in such an energetic and goofy mood that I send her back a “you’re not the boss of me” meme as a joke, then send my location and have Steve check that it went through. Then I send out the Glympse. These details will matter later, I promise.
I get a ton of good lucks texts that morning and got many the day before and a few on the race course. I have so many thoughtful people in my life! Thank you!
The corrals move evenly and smoothly. I like that they walk us all the way to the start and we don’t have to start running well before the official start. That always makes me nuts at races!
It’s 57°F with a dew point of 42° at the start.
LEG 1 (Miles 0-6.5)
We start running at 6:10 am. I’m with Steve for maybe a mile then he goes ahead, and I try to drop back and slow down. Several of my first miles are in the mid/high 11:00s and I know it’s going to get hot later and don’t want to fade out (which is exactly what I did). The first mile is a bit crowded then it thins out nicely.
The race starts in City Park, then goes onto Colfax Street and through downtown. I realize my nose is running and grab my gaiter from my backpack and put it around my neck. It looks stupid, but I need it. I see an Elvis impersonator, and someone with a Taylor Swift sign (I saw so many great signs on the course!) who gives me an “in my marathon era” friendship bracelet! That was a really special moment for me, and I’m still wearing it (even though I am actually out of my marathon era??? Thoughts?).
I accidentally hit one of my race dots (magnets to replace safety pins on your bib) and feel it slide off, then save it and put it back where it goes, then realize another is missing and I can’t find it. I get a safety pin out to pin it down and laugh at myself for losing one the first time using them (they were a gift I just received from Rachel).
We run by a lot of sites I recognized, including Voodoo Donuts and the Capitol. We run through a fire station where they advertised SHIRTLESS FIREMEN but they had an actual fire emergency and aren’t there. Sad face! There are some cool bagpipers though.
After that we run down to the Cherry Creek Trail along the river. It’s shady and cool and life is good. My legs felt heavy from the start, but I feel great in that shady portion of the trail. Ugh. If only it had remained like that.
We follow the trail out of the river area and along Elitch Gardens (an amusement park) and into the Broncos stadium. I see a text from Steven that tells me where to expect them, and run through the stadium with a big smile on my face. I think it’s so cool we get to run through there. It seems small in person, but still cool. I take some photos to send my snister’s husband, who’s a big Broncos fan.
The course splits the full marathoners and relayers in different chutes and I’m confused and think I missed Steven and friends, but see them past the exchange and have a lot of energy and do a pretend shuffle (the dance, not the type of run I’d be doing later on) and give high fives. I find out from Steve later that he had one of his fastest 6 mile runs ever! I’m so proud of him. He passed the baton on to Tiff to run leg 2 before I got there.
LEG 2 (miles 6.5 – 10.3)
I know we had a hill coming out of the stadium but ugh, it SUCKS. It sucks because it’s on a highway and just… meh. It’s like… already a hill, and I have to run up a boring open highway? Anyway. But this is a good time to point out I didn’t study the elevation profile at all and was taking an “it is what it is/FAFO” approach. This was the only hill I’d read about in the race description, by accident.
So we climb up this dumb hill and are on Colfax Street. Oh, I should explain that most of this race in on Colfax Street, hence the name being Denver Colfax Marathon. And it’s not a point-to-point on Colfax. Oh no, it’s an out-and-back. And who doesn’t really like out-and-back races? Ya girl, Kim. I did know it was an out-and-back going into it. I had looked at it that much. I figured I’d deal (by mentally breaking down).
So we’re on Colfax, my new home for 3+ hours of the day, and we leave it to run a loop around Sloan Lake. There’s Dragon Boats, colorful drummers and dancers, and lots of fanfare. As we’re running in to the lake area the lady next to me tosses trash towards a trash can that only has side slots (not a top one) and makes it, and I cheer her on and we talk about how it’s a sign that the rest of the race is gonna go well (hopefully it did for her?!?!).
The view from the lake is amazing – we can see the snow capped mountains. I’m thinking “Yes! This is why I’m running here! It’s beautiful!” There are lots of people with funny signs and costumes, cheering us on. I made myself smile for this whole damn thing, because I was there to have fun, dammit!
99% of the lake path is in the sun, but I’m not dying yet, although I do really need to go to the bathroom. My stomach had been kind of upset from the start, but I usually go to the bathroom 10 miles in and that was the plan. So I start seeing all these texts with the group coordinating where everyone is and that might be the first time I see a “where’s Kim?” text, and I’m wondering why they don’t just look at my WhatsApp location. But Steven tells them, and before I know it, Trudy and Tiff are running to cheer me on! Trudy gets some great shots:
and they ask how I’m doing. “Good but I have to go to the bathroom.” They tell me it’s right ahead and I ask Tiff how her run was – “good!” I’m excited to hear about it later. I just knew they were going to have so much fun and great stories to tell!
I run past relay 2/3 exchange and straight to the bathrooms. Tiff passed off the baton to Val to run this leg (well before I was there).
LEG 3 (miles 10.3 – 16.2)
I get to the porta potties and there is barely a wait. In the past I’ve tried to go to the bathroom as fast as I can to save time but I often end up straining a muscle! Ha! So I go slow and get out and start running again. A volunteer comments on me adjusting my spandex back to the right spot. Ha, yeah, it’s tricky.
I run out of the park and see a man carrying four Starbucks drink and ask if one is for me. He laughs. I talk a lot when I’m racing – I made a lot of comments to spectators like that (and talked to runners too), and thanked as many police officers and volunteers as I could. They had water stops and bathrooms almost every two miles if I recall, but I was running through them because I had my own water. Oh, let’s talk about that:
FUELING PLAN
My plan was to eat every 30 mins (which I did). I had citrus Clif gels (RIP), orange GUs, salted watermelon Clif chews, and Untapped lemon waffles. The plan was to eat them in that order but I could only get one waffle down during the run (I had one right before I started too… at least I think I did? I meant to…). Then the chews melted together, so I mostly took gels.
I had 2 liters of water in my vest, one 16.9 ounce Vitamin Water and one 16.9 ounce water with Liquid IV, with a plan to get replacements from those from the crew at the 3/4 relay exchange (which I did).
BACK TO LEG 3
THIS LEG SUCKED.
Sigh. I’m just going to tell the story how I perceived it happen, then explain my error later. Oh! But first I need to tell you something NUTSO. I got distracted by the Fueling Plan detour. After I leave the bathroom and am running by the Starbucks guy I feel my cell phone slip down my back. I had gotten it out to take a photo and had missed the pocket in my sports bra when I put it away – it’s hard to hit it when I have my vest on – so it was slowly sliding down my back. WHAT IF IT WOULD HAVE SLID OUT AND INTO THE PORTA POTTY? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Phew. That was close.
Okay, back to this bs part of the course. So we’re on Colfax again and I can see the first place relayer absolutely booking it, then I start to see more marathoners behind him. And my heart starts to fill with dread, because I’m struggling, and they are already on their way back, and booking it up a hill! How are they all running so fast up this damn hill? I tell myself they must be locals, and start to feel a bit concerned that I am struggling so much with this downhill, and I still have that huge ass hill to run up in, what? 5 miles? Where even am I on the course? GAH I HATE OUT-AND-BACKS!
We finally get off that horribly hard downhill and run into the Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design campus. I feel annoyed we are detouring just to run through this dumb college. Then I tell myself to get it together because I AM NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH. GAH.
We leave the dumb college area (again, not dumb, I am just grumpy) and go back into a neighborhood, which despite having plenty of spectators, and a few funny interactions, is my least favorite part of the course because it’s so hilly and curvy and I just want to LEAVE it.
I go by another runner and say “this sucks, right?” and she confirms it does and I feel better. I start to formulate what I want to tell my spectators. I had noticed the warning went from green (normal conditions) at the start and is now red (bad conditions, slow down, stay hydrated, you’re f*cked) and think I might need to start a run walk. I start to daydream about the relayers maybe turning around and running the last 2 miles with me. But that feels like a pretty selfish ask. Anyway, maybe worth asking?
The highlights are hitting 13.1 and being halfway done (I was .1 off from the start and .2 by this point so I kept playing the game of, “well, my watch says 13.1 but it’s 12.9”), seeing TWO cats, and some little kids offering me a sausage and me saying “No thanks, I’m vegan!” and one saying “sorry” and the other saying “good for you!” buah ha ha. Oh! And the “this sucks” runner coming back (she was run/walking) and complimenting me on my steady pace and calling me bro. And hearing “A Long Way to the Top” on my headphones and playing it three times in a row (I listened to music the entire race).
I finally leave this HELLISH neighborhood and am back on Colfax, FINALLY headed back to the beginning. Phew. I see my crew! Val had passed her baton on to Trudy well before I got there (Val hated this leg too). Steven hands me my drinks and says he can run with me if I want to keep running. I stop to walk. I try to tell them all the things I wanted to tell them but my words won’t come out! I try to smile and act like everything is fine and tell them I predict a slower finish and my run/walk, and can Val and Tiff walk back a mile after the finish to finish the last mile with me? They say yes and I’m on my way.
LEG 4 (Miles 16.2 – 20.2)
Right after I leave them I run through a water stop, and raise my arms and everyone cheers for me. It’s wonderful.
And now I am THOROUGHLY confused about where I am and what is going on because I know we are doing an out-and-back but I haven’t hit that crazy uphill yet. In fact, I am running quite a bit downhill.
I just keep running, okay, shuffling, really, downhill and feeling more and more confused. But I go with it. WHATEVER! If that uphill wanted to turn into a downhill for me I am COMPLETELY fine with it!
I take a red vine to eat (in Leg 3 I took part of a banana from someone and choked it down) and later I take an Otter Pop (similar to a freezer pop) and expect it to be amazing but the ice is SO cold it hurts my mouth. I’m melting and don’t know it. I have salt all over me, and that is super unusual for me (the liquid IV, chews, gels, and waffles all had sodium in them).
But I keep going. I talk to spectators and runners, try to make jokes, keep smiling, keep moving my legs. I haven’t started crying yet (I saved that for the last leg).
I get a text from Steven that Trudy finished and is walking back with Tiff to run with me. THANK JEEBUS! Gah! I’m so excited to see them. Trudy gives me her hat, tells me I have salt all over my butt, and gives me cold water to dump on myself. They really pick me up, and I am happy to hear how their races went, and how everyone is doing. They let me know my WhatsApp location hasn’t been working all day! That’s the reason people were asking where I was. I feel like a bit of an ass because I sent that gif. Later I realize my Glympse must have overrode it? Maybe you can only have one GPS thingy going at a time? Sigh.
They tell me Val was really concerned when I couldn’t get my words out at the previous meetup. I tell them I was trying to smile and act normal and Tiff and I both say “she’s such a mom!” at the same time and laugh.
They run me back to the stadium, and as I get close they tell me Steve is going to run the final leg with me and I am so freaking relieved I want to cry. Maybe I did start crying in leg 4. Who knows.
There was never an uphill. Trudy confirms to be her entire leg (4) was all downhill. I remember it being called “Screaming Downhill.” And then I realize – the entire time I was struggling on leg 3? I was going uphill almost that entire damn time! UGH!!!!! (So I was obviously out of it so early on in the race that I thought I was running down when I was running up? Not sure what that means…)
I see everyone right before the 4/5 relay exchange. Trudy handed the baton off to Leah a long time before I got there. I feel bad Steve is going to miss the finish, but am glad he’s going to run with me.
LEG 5 (Miles 20.2 – 26.2)
Leg 5 is similar to leg 1 in reverse – leave the stadium, run by the amusement park, down to the trail (where I hope it would be extremely shady but no, because the earth rotates, damn science), through a different downtown street, then back to the park.
I talk to Steve. It’s a good distraction. We thank volunteers and police officers. We make jokes. I tell him some stories from my race, he tells me about his. I run out of water between miles 23-24. I walk through two water stations and up the hill out of the trail. I only walked four times on course. But by this point my pace is in the 14:00s! Crazy. I felt like I was doing the most I could, but I had some left in me for the end, apparently.
I notice my heart rate is 110 and says I am in the warm-up phase? I ask Steve if I have heat stroke, and he’s like “no, you are still sweating.’ Y’ALL, I am obviously not used to this high heat low dew point climate and my body is CONFUSED.
Steve tells me that Trudy and Tiff are going to join us a mile out or whatever and of course I want to cry. My friends are so supportive and helpful. I ask him to ask them to bring me cold water, and they show up with several waters and an energy drink. They’re amazing. We run some more. We pass beer and shots tables (I saw MANY on course!). We get close to the park and I am like “F*CKING FINALLY!” (gosh, I think I said like 6 swear words or more in three sentences when we got close – everyone laughed).
I wonder how close we are to the finish. I missed the miles 24-26 signs. And don’t realize my watch is so damn off – way more than .2 – off by almost .5 at that point! I’ve been trying so hard to run tangents, even at the end!
“Sandstorm” comes on my phone and I get a crazy burst of energy and start running a sub 10:00. After shuffling for MILES! Then start crying. Then I realize the finish was farther than I thought and slow down to an 11:00 pace. Tiff warns me not to trip over part of the race fence then I immediately roll my ankle in a divot in the road. Ha. Val and Leah join us and I see Steven on the sidelines and we get so many cheers as we all finish together! I’m tearing up just typing about it.
I am freaking elated to be done and immediately bend over and stumble and a lovely volunteer comes by with a wheelchair. I tell them I don’t need it and my friends help me walk. I get my medal and a cold water. Of course I’m not hungry and want nothing to do with bagels, bananas, or acai bowls. Just give me more water please!
It’s 78° when we finish with a real feel of 88°, a dew point of 40°, and a UV Index of 9. I am baked. I never reapplied sunscreen and my shoulders got it bad. No chafing though!
Everyone gives me a hug and tells me how proud they are, that they are inspired, that I am their hero. etc. I feel so loved and supportive. I keep crying on and off. But I don’t think anyone can tell behind my sunglasses? Hopefully? But I’m a mess.
Seriously, my friends and Steven are freaking amazing and I’m so grateful.
AFTER
We walk around a bit then decide to order food and go back to the house. I am a sloooooooooooow walk to the car but then it feels amazing to sit down! So amazing! I enjoy talking to everyone about their race and telling them stories about mine. They had such a fun day!
We get back and I take a shower and they all eat sandwiches while I have a fountain Dr Pepper (Steve remembered me saying one sounded good in the last leg and he and Val got one at the sandwich shop!) and a piece of pie. My appetite is MIA for 2 days but I force myself to eat.
WHAT WENT WRONG
Nothing! I’m amazing. No, but really, I should have started off even slower – not doing a run/walk – those actually hurt my knees, but a slower pace.
Maybe I should have done some hill work?
It should have been a cooler day! Ha. None of my runs were this warm. I think the weather really affected me. I still wonder what was going on with my brain that I thought I was going down when I was indeed running up.
Maybe not travel to Europe during my peak week of training?
And of course, being lighter (in weight) would help but whatever.
I think I did the best I mentally could have, and I am proud of that!
WHAT’S NEXT
A week off running! Then slowly getting back to running short distances with a 10-15 mile long run on the weekends. Lifting 3-5 days a week, riding my bike, and walking (?).
OTHER RANDOM STUFF
I didn’t check my body battery that am but had been getting really poor sleep and when I looked at it later, I started the day at 25 out of 100. I was not very well rested. But I felt energetic enough in the morning!
I slept so bad the night after the race. I woke up at 3:00 with sore legs and could not get comfortable and stayed awake. I finally got some good sleep last night.
I found the missing race dot when I took my clothes off to shower!
Many commented on my pink outfit and smile throughout the race. My spectators told me the pink was easy to find! It also helped I was never in a crowd, ha.
I am excited to see the FREE official photos. I smiled BIG for the photographers and saw a lot of them!
Here’s the medal and race shirt:
Description from here:
- Colorado emblem in the corners and Mile High street sign to remind runners they achieved their goal – at a mile high in Colorado.
- All the landmarks are those runners pass on the course and we showcase different elements each year.
- Stadium – drone view of the stadium – as the marathon course runs through it twice
- Ferris Wheel from Elitches – course can see only downtown amusement park in the US – roller coaster to ferris wheel.
- Daniels & Fisher Clocktower on the 16th street mall
- Denver’s unique bridges on course – This one is on the Platte River just before you cross over to the stadium – the course goes under it twice. Denver has a great collection of bridges and we cross the Bronco bridge, go under the tressle bridge and this arched bridge, view the Confluence and bike path bridges and more
- City Park – one of the most beautiful race start and finish areas in the US. With the lake, iconic fountain, and City Park Pavilion
- Of course we included the Denver skyline, cash register building, and mountains. Which runners see as they run and at the Finish Line Festival.
HOW I PHYSICALLY FEEL
My legs are stiff, my Morton’s toes are bruised and red, and I think I started the race with one black toenail and am now the proud owner of three.
I wore Asics Gel Nimbus 25s and they didn’t bother me at all, I think that’s just what happens to me with that long second toe. I do remember using the concrete to push my heel into the back of my shoe at the beginning of the race and that always felt good.
HOW I MENTALLY FEEL
This race beat me up mentally! I was crying at the end and at the airport yesterday. I’m feeling emotionally better now. I’m proud of myself for finishing. And again, so so grateful for Steven and my friends! This would have been a completely different finish without them!
2024 Europe Trip: Random Thoughts
I have so many random little things left to share about our trip! I made some categories to try to make sense of them.
PACKING
- Amount of Luggage – we did well with packing – one large checked bag, one carry on, a backpack, and a briefcase. We used nearly everything we brought.
- Apple AirTags – we used AirTags in our luggage and the briefcase. It was reassuring to know the luggage was in the same airport as us… once it updated! There were times it looked left behind because it hadn’t connected yet to update its location.
- Jewelry – I usually travel with TONS of earrings, but I haven’t switched out my second ear piercing yet so I brought nothing but what I was wearing – two pairs of earrings, my rings, and my K necklace.
- Socks – I only brought short socks, and on the second day my legs felt so cold and I was like “why didn’t I bring long socks?!” Then, duh, I realized I didn’t have my compression socks on, so I just wore those every day!
- Backpack – for the first two days I didn’t carry my backpack around. Then I had so much stuff to give Katja I brought it with me the fourth day and just wore it for the rest of the trip. It was so nice to have all that space for things and my local friends had them too so I figured it wasn’t too dorky.
- Belt Bag – I used a belt bag my snis gave me for the first time and loved it! It’s a little different shape than a traditional belt bag. Maybe it’s not even called that?
Sad these have dairy in them LOL
- Sunglasses – I was very proud of myself for only packing 5 (or was it 6?) pairs of sunglasses. On the last day it was actually sunny and Steven and Dunja didn’t have sunglasses and I’d wished I had my extra pairs with me to loan them!
MONEY
- Cash – Before we left we watched this YouTube video talking about how lots of places require euros, and don’t take credit card. I was surprised and got €1,000. Of course, that was NOT the case. Several places were card only! So we girl mathed it and spent the euros on anything and everything. I came back with 87¢.
- Starbucks – I could not pay with my Starbucks account there! Of course, I realized this after I loaded the card with $70 to buy some mugs. Oops.
- Smashed Pennies – Steven collects smashed pennies from places we’ve visited, and he made them in the Netherlands and Germany. He also got some souvenir coins from Germany and Belgium.
- Euros – Several times in the Netherlands people said to me “you’re so lucky we’re on euros now and don’t have different currency between countries.” Yes, but it’s been like this for 20+ years? I used euros when I first went to Europe in 2002. This comment made me laugh, especially that it came up more than once.
LANGUAGE STUFF
- Google Translate – What a great app! If you use the camera feature in the Google Translate app, it will overlay the words over what you are looking at through the camera. Impressive.
- French – I was surprised they speak French in Brussels, which is easily googleable. Steven asked me what French I know and I said “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir” and he was all :-o. Ha ha.
- ß – I did not know this character made an “ss” sound until Steven started working in DuoLingo before the trip. I always thought it was a B!
- DuoLingo – Steven is still working on German post trip, and I switched to Spanish.
- Welcome to the party – When we were in Bruges, Anita’s youngest son shouted “Welkom op het feestje” to a bunch of tourists on a boat going under the bridge we were standing on and I thought that was hilarious.
WALKING
- No Hike – There was a cool hike we didn’t do near Dresden (Saxon Switzerland Mountains and the Bastei Bridge) because it would have meant sacrificing our chill day. That is the only trip regret I have, but it’s not a big one. (Okay, and not getting vegan Dutch apple pie)
- Walk to the Right – People didn’t always walk to the right or get out of our way so if we didn’t move a lot of times we’d get bumped into. Odd. One time a man bumped into me in Brussels and apologized in French, which I appreciated.
- So Many Steps – I loved walking so much! Here is my step count by day:
Sunday | April 14, 2024: 18,699 steps
Monday | April 15, 2024: 24,305 steps
Tuesday | April 16, 2024: 21,494 steps
Wednesday | April 17, 2024: 17,457 steps
Thursday | April 18, 2024: 29,682 steps
Friday | April 19, 2024: 18,950 steps
Saturday | April 20, 2024: 33,386 steps
Sunday | April 21, 2024: 22,959 steps
Monday | April 22, 2024: 9,756 steps only!
OBVIOUS CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
- Cars – We mostly saw tiny cars, but we saw a Dodge Ram, a Ford F250, and a Jeep in Bruges! Random.
- Toilets – I love that the toilet doors go to the ground in public spots, let’s start with that. But whoa, we were in some WEIRD bathrooms. There was the one in Amsterdam with red lights and an aquarium. The ones that looked like janitor’s closets in the Dresden airport. The one in Brussels with the sink that was as small as my hand. We missed our bidet. Ha.
- Chocolate Quality – The chocolate is a gazillion times better than ours. I will be paying Katja or Dunja to mail me vegan Lindt bars when it gets cold.
Chocolate and candy we bought and brought back
POSTCARDS
- Stamps from Friends – I asked my friends to get stamps ahead of time for me so I wouldn’t have to worry about that while I was there. Thanks Anita, Katja, and Dunja!
- Postcards – We sent 20 postcards to the states!
TRULY RANDOM
- Driving in Germany – I’m so glad Germany is the country we drove in, not the Netherlands or Belgium. Driving in the city center of those countries looked like a nightmare.
- Germany/Belgium Juxtaposition – The orderliness of Dresden (waiting for a walk sign to walk) vs jaywalking in Brussels was jarring! It felt so wrong to jaywalk!
- Green – Trees were green and lush in Europe and starting to fill in here when we got back. Yay!
- Stereotypes – There were so many funny stereotypes between countries shared with us from our friends that aren’t appropriate to share here, but are still making me chuckle.
- Expectations – A few of the Netherlands rock painters told me “you’re exactly like how I thought you would be,” which was nice.
- Downloading Photos – I download photos into folders by day and my phone really struggled with getting photos in the right folders when I downloaded them on to my computer (I imagine because of the time difference). Ugh.
- Sharing on Facebook – I shared the collage photos I made of the trip on Facebook about 5 days after we got back. I rarely share things on Facebook, and worked really hard to turn off comments on it. Ha.
- Global Friendships – I’ve said it many times but sharing this trip with our local friends made it more special than we ever could have imagined. We’re so grateful.
- Grateful for USA Friends – Coming back from seeing friends I only get to see once or twice a decade made me so grateful I can see my long distance USA friends (Hi Val and Tiff) a few times a year!
Random Thoughts Thursday 451
- Here’s my mani from last week! I went pink for the marathon on Sunday (my outfit is mostly pink).
- I arrived in Denver yesterday to acclimate to the elevation as much as possible before the race on Sunday. I took Tylenol and drank a Liquid IV at home and drank so. much. water. at home, in the airport, on the plane, and once I arrived. We went on a walk after dinner and I felt out of breath going up a small incline and my brain was immediately like “You’re out of shape! You aren’t ready for a marathon!” then I talked to Val and we laughed about how it was just from the elevation. I also felt dizzy and lightheaded at the end of the night. It’s like having a buzz without drinking. Fun fun. Last time I was here it was like this and I had a great long run, hopefully that is the case again this time!
- Our niece Ella turns 2 next week! I can’t wait to see my family to celebrate. I haven’t seen them since January!
Part of her birthday present!
- We watched Fallout. I get why people love it but it was not for me. Just too gory! I was painting while we watched it and kept accidentally looking up during all the gross scenes.
- I was talking in Spanish in one of my dreams this week. This must be a sign that the Spanish I am learning in DuoLingo is sticking! Ha ha.
- Oh my gosh. I also had the most bizarre dream last night about Val’s husband Steve buying me special shoes to wear for the marathon, but they weren’t bright pink and had some special wings on them that he’d added charms to… like what in the AF, brain? Then in my dream they were size 11 and I wear 12s and I felt relieved they were the wrong size and I didn’t have to be polite and use them and Val was like “I’m so embarrassed.” Thank you for reading all that, ha.
- We got an inch of rain in 30 mins on Monday (total rain for the evening was 1.67″). Every time we get rain so fast like that, I feel extremely grateful we had a generator installed (which keeps our sump pumps running and water out of our basement), and I think about the time we got five inches of rain in a day. That storm happened two months after we installed our generator.
2024 Europe Trip: Day 9, Brussels, Belgium to Chicago, Illinois, USA
Hmm, I feel like there is a not a lot to recap about the day we flew back to the states, but I say that now, then will probably write a zillion words. Here we go.
We flew back on Monday April 22nd. Our flight left Brussels at 10:15 am, so we thankfully didn’t have a terribly early wakeup call. We got to the hotel lobby to wait for our driver and I tried to ask the front desk about a large charge on my credit card and got nowhere with them and had to assume the charge would go away (it did, but ugh, anxiety). We rode to the airport and got there much faster than on our way in!
BRUSSELS AIRPORT
Our driver dropped us off in a special drop-off area that required a walk to the airport (fine with me, before I sit for 8 hours!), and we began our journey of getting through all the securities to get to our gate. There was SIX levels of security. We
- Had a United agent ask us a few questions about our trip while we waited in line to drop off our bags. She put stickers on the back of our passports.
- Scanned our tickets at a kiosk to get to security.
- Had our tickets scanned immediately after by a person.
- Went through security (ha, they found some random small metal rod Steven had completely forgot was in his briefcase from work).
- Went through passport control.
- Went through United security (this is when they looked at the stickers) to get access to our gate.
- Wait, did they check them again when we got on the plane?
Phew. It was very thorough.
We had a lot of time and searched for breakfast after passport control. I was kind of cranky and sick of having fig bars and sweets for breakfast. (I had a fig bar and later found a vegan croissant and got a chai. So much sugar!)
We were in boarding group 3, and they called 2 then went right to 4, so it was a bit of a cluster, but we had assigned seats, so it’s not like it matters!
FLIGHT HOME
I knew I was supposed to sleep so I could stay up when I got home, and I tried to for a minute, but couldn’t.
So I paid for an hour of internet ($8 vs $20 for the whole flight) with the intent to post to Instagram then try to sleep again, but when my hour was up I still had internet, and did for the whole flight, so I posted all my travel recaps on Instagram. I bet people were so happy to wake up and see NINE posts, each with ten photos, from me. Ha ha ha.
I was served vegan meals again, yay! Both curry themed. I only got up to use the bathroom once which is kind of a big no no with my clotting disease, but I had the window and didn’t want to move (and tried to stretch in my seat).
We landed in Chicago early, before noon, and actually got a gate! (Reminder, our flight left after 10:00 am Brussels time, so our bodies felt like it was the evening.)
GOING HOME
Going through passport control on the USA side took some time because there were so many people on our flight. I think I’ll get global entry for our next international trip. Our agent was really nice, and we grabbed our bags right away and got on the shuttle to our car. We drove home and were home between 1:30 and 2:00.
DO ALL THE THINGS
I am the “unpack and start laundry when I get home” type, so that is what I did. AFTER SNUGGLING ALL THE CATS OF COURSE! Our wonderful cat sitter Jessie took care of them while we were gone (coming twice a day). They adore Jessie (and so do we)! And they seemed happy we were home.
I put the artwork from our friends’ kids and our new magnets up
We put new pins in our travel map
I went and got groceries and Steven stayed home. I called him to make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep! I was really hoping we’d make it to 8:00!
Steven cooked dinner (pasta! broccoli! fake meats!) much earlier than normal, and we watched part of Top Gun: Maverick for work movie club, and then called it shortly after 7:00, and yep, were asleep by 8:00! I didn’t feel exhausted, but fell easily asleep (then slept like crap for about a week, ugh).
I had taken the next day off (he went to work) and felt good all day, but even more exhausted that night than the long travel day, which was odd!
I bet you thought I was done with blogging about our trip. Not so fast! This is the end of this post, but I have a notebook with four pages of random thoughts from our trip. So… more to come!
It lasted three weeks
A significant portion of my full time job is issue escalation, as in my clients’ issues come to me after they’ve gone through every level of service and still haven’t been resolved. Clients also bring issues to me when they’re still at the first level of service and I don’t need to be involved.
The cool part about this role is that I have connections to every part of my company and a very good idea of how we do (most) things. It feels good to assemble teams to solve issues and to connect clients to the one person who can answer the question they have.
The not cool part about this is that SO MUCH of my job is people coming to me unhappy about something. Oops, I wasn’t even planning on writing that. It just came out.
What I was going to say is that the not cool part of this is that I really struggle with an unwarranted sense of urgency at work. When an issue comes in I want to resolve it ASAP and get it off my desk. Before ASAP, if possible.
But I can’t. Especially if I am relying on another person or several people for assistance and resolution. And you know how it is trying to get a group of people together.
[There is a lot of self talk going on at my home office – “wait to respond,” “this isn’t urgent,” “this can wait until tomorrow when so and so is available,” etc. And note, sometimes things ARE legitimately “this needs to be resolved now!” urgent.]
So, in a long roundabout way, I would like to announce that my vacation good vibes are gone and work stress is back. The vibes lasted a solid three weeks. I’m getting so many random issues thrown at me. Too many f*cks are now being given.
Deep breaths.
[And as I am rereading this before I post, it’s not lost on me that I struggle to sit with uncomfortable things at work, like I do with my emotions about non-work things too. Hmm.]
COMPLETELY unrelated, but what’s a post without a photo?! Yesterday was upper body day at the gym and a classmate told me “You look swole as f*ck! You look nice!” and it made me feel good!
Busy May!
I have a lot going on this month! I should actually document it, huh?
LAST WEEKEND
I didn’t take many photos (I’d say oops, but it wasn’t an oops, I was enjoying the moments), so you’ll get words – on Friday Bobbi and I saw The Fall Guy and got dinner at Red Robin after for a belated birthday celebration. I really enjoyed the movie and chatting after. We see each in class sometimes, but we don’t properly catch up there.
On Saturday I ran a 5K, and in the evening we went out to dinner with Jen, Troy, and Declan. It was fun to get together and chat with them.
I worked a lot last weekend, blah. But I was trying to get ahead since this month is so busy.
THIS WEEKEND
On Friday I had dinner with Birchie at Twisted Plants in Milwaukee. She was out here exploring the area and I’m so glad she reached out to me to see if I was available! It was lovely to meet in person and really connect. You get to know someone through reading their writing and leaving each other messages, but in person is always best, right?
Our food was delicious and we went for a walk along the lake and in the woods after dinner. It was a great evening!
On Saturday Steven had the day off (yay! that rarely happens!) so we had a really lazy morning where I got some painting done.
In the afternoon I went to Milwaukee and tailgated with Rachel then we went to the Brewers v Cardinals game. We hadn’t seen each other since the 10K we ran together in the fall and had a lot of catching up to do! Tailgating weather was beautiful, and the game was fun – it was Star Wars night and we got a double-sided (light and dark side) shirt, and there were characters, and lots of fun Star Wars themed games/etc on the big screen. We had a wonderful evening (I always do with Rachel!).
No social plans Sunday but I have to share a photo of the necklace the cats got me for Mother’s Day!
THE REST OF THE MONTH
My marathon is next weekend, and Ella’s 2nd birthday party is the weekend after. Then it will be June. AHHHH!!!!!