When we were driving back to LA from Carpinteria Saturday night, one of the questions Tiff asked me and Val was “what’s the ideal number of close friends?” Val said 5 or less. Tiff and I struggled to answer immediately, and the three of us ended up having a long discussion on what defines a “close friend.” I couldn’t define what it is succinctly, it was a lot of:
- They’re there for me when xyz
- I go to them with good and bad news
- I can be 100% myself around them
- I can be honest with them
- We give each other grace
- Etc, etc
Tell me! What defines a close friend for you? And what’s the ideal number?
(Tiff and I both settled on 10 or less)
I need to gush on them just a bit more. Val and Tiff both had thoughtful custom gifts for me [insert tears in eyes emoji] when I saw them. Tiff gave us koozies with a photo from our July trip, and Val had poems written for us!
D.M. Kingsford sets up a table with a typewriter and will write a poem for you on the spot. Val said “I told him I have a friend who is the most generous friend, she loves to help and give presents. She’s an amazing friend who is a great listener and loves to run. I told him that you’ve run marathons and ultra marathons and that you love to paint rocks.”
[seriously, insert all the tears in eyes emojis!!!!]
Wow! That poem is incredible. I can’t believe they just come up with that on the spot! Now I need to see TIff’s.
I think the ideal number definitely varies from person to person. I would say I have 3 best friends, and maybe 5 more friends I’d consider close, but wouldn’t qualify based on your categories!
Right? I was blown away by it. Tiff’s is amazing, and about being a dancer.
Ha! They totally don’t have to meet my qualifications – they only have to meet yours! <3
Damn! That poem is powerful and beautiful and you!!
And, I agree with your criteria for close friends <3
Thank you!
Aww, awesome! Glad my list makes sense to someone LOL.
Oh my gosh — that POEM. What a beautiful tribute!!! And also how did the poet just come up with that in the moment? What a talent!
I think my list would have about 5. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to be a good enough friend to more than that!
Right? I am so so impressed he just does these on the fly! How cool.
That is a a great point. I should probably keep mine down to 3, lol.
I love this post. I think I would go with Val in saying 5 or less is the ideal number of really close friends. But that’s just for me. For someone 3, 8, 12 or 15 might be the ideal number! I think it depends what kind of personality you have.
I agree with all you’ve written about close friends but want to add one thing. With a real friend it doesn’t matter for how long you haven’t seen or talked to each other. It always feels like you only parted yesterday. There‘s no warming up or getting used to each other again – it just feels like home and – like you said – you can just be yourself!
PS. That poem is awesome!
PPS. You didn’t mention what you gave them as presents! 😎
Yes, it totally depends on that. And I bet that number could change in seasons of life too, right? Like I am not giving as much to my friends as I used to. Or reaching out as much, rather.
We talked about that as well, so we totally agree with you – time apart doesn’t damage or affect the relationship! I have a lot of friends like that (and some that it actually does, which feels strange).
I didn’t! Always with the Goodrs LOL.
What a lovely poem! Close friends are such a blessing…I never really thought of defining it for myself, but I like the criteria you mentioned. I would also add that with a close friend you can pick up right where you left off, after not having seen each other for a long time, and it feels like you saw them yesterday, as Dunja said.
That totally needs to be on the list too! Looking forward to doing that with you SOON!
Oh, that poem!
This is an interesting question about close friends. I would say 5-7 close friends. I have 3 best friends currently – and they are the people I go to for everything and we check in frequently (at least a few times a week). And then I have close friends – probably 5ish? – that I don’t necessarily talk to frequently and they don’t know everything that’s going on in my life, but I know I CAN talk to them and they would be there for me if I needed them.
I just love reading that you have that many close friends and supporters in your life!!! <3
I love that poem so much!! I’m super impressed with their ability to write a poem on the spot like that.
I’d say I have 3 IRL friends who I’m very close with and we chat frequently and get together when we can. Three mostly online friends that I chat with frequently but we rarely if ever see each other IRL. And a few old friends who I don’t chat with frequently but when I see them we fall into old times easily and I know they are always there for me.
I am impressed too! Just wow!
I am so glad you have a large group of close friends. They make life so much better!