Something I weirdly got over during the pandemic (look at me! growth!) was feeling bad when people (in my personal life) don’t respond to my messages (however sent). It used to really eat away at me and make me feel rejected, but I finally learned to tell myself it’s probably NOT about me. They might be going through something, they might see messages and feel overwhelmed and mean to respond and forget, etc. etc. And some people are just better at in-person relationships. It’s on me to control how I respond and to control how much I reach out.
Blah blah blah. You’ve heard me talk about that a million times.
So why bring it up again? Because at work I struggle with getting a response and I can’t let it go. I need the response. Movement pauses when I don’t get one.
And I don’t know what else to do. I’m using all my tools – emails, phone calls, setting up meetings, cc’ing supervisors on emails, escalating, and sometimes… still no response.
What do you do when that happens?!
It makes me feel like such a nag sometimes!
Good luck getting this guy to respond
This is tricky. Sometimes, you NEED the response, so not getting one stalls everything…. but I am trying to let it go more easily if a response is not required (at work or in personal life), but it can be difficult.
I also noticed that sometimes the way someone responds can be “read wrong”… if someone response with a “K” instead of a more enthusiastic response, I sometimes read stuff into it when I shouldn’t. Does that happen to you?
Oh yeah, I am talking about situations where I need a response or it’s holding up work. I’ve learned to let it go when it’s not required (finally, thankfully).
Oh yeah totally do. I am so guilty. Like when I ask someone “how was your xyz event?” and they say “great!” I am like, UGH THEY DON’T LIKE ME. When more specific questions would be better, like, “How was the weather? What did you wear? What did you use for fueling?” Etc.
This sounds so frustrating to encounter at work, because you can’t move forward with what you need to do, and you are left hanging!
But good on you for having gotten to an easier frame of mind about this in your personal life…has it had an impact on your relationships at all?
Exactly!!!! And I am trying to be so kind and not a pest in my emails and calls.
It sort of has! Like, the ones I stopped initiating contact we just don’t talk anymore, since we weren’t seeing each other for all of the pandemic. So radio silence for a long time, but then we meet up and everything is fine! I think I crave more daily interaction and attention than the normal person 🙂
Yeah, I think the pandemic has really been eye opening for all of us and has made a lot of us more aware of what kind of interaction we really missed or did not miss at all, which is good information going forward… And like you said, everyone is different and has different styles and needs regarding interaction.
Yes! It really did! One of the few silver linings from it.
I think that is the hardest part – everyone defaults to their style and thinks everyone else has the same style.
As someone who gets really hurt when people don’t respond to me, I try my very best not to do the same for others. I really try to be responsive because, honestly, it’s just RUDE if you don’t! But I’m also guilty of seeing a message and not having the time to reply, and then forgetting to reply. It’s, like, what happens with 99% of the people I match with on dating apps, ha. I’m trying to work with myself on that because I know how it feels when people don’t respond to ME. And I don’t want to make others feel that way.
Now, as far as work goes, I have nooooo problems being a pest. Hahaha. I will send you follow-up email after follow-up email and I will HAPPILY copy your director on that email if I’m not getting a response. I will pester you on chat. I WILL GET MY ANSWER, DAMMIT. Work Steph is much more tenacious than Personal Steph, I guess.
And this is why I love you – you have perspective and are self aware about how actions make you feel and how you want your actions to make others feel! I forget to respond on apps where I can’t mark something as unread, like Insta, Facebook, etc. I bet those dating apps are the same?
Ha, that is funny! Do you think you have a different work personality, in general, or just in the regard?
I am a pest like that at work too. And still sometimes get nowhere. Sigh.