Some realizations I had last week:
- I’m bad at asking for help at work. I don’t hesitate to ask for help in other areas of my life, but when it comes to work, I have a mental block and start doing things on my own and get completely overwhelmed. Um, Kim, most of your projects are teams. ASK FOR HELP. I have been asking more lately – of my team, and from my acting team leader. I have too much going on to not share the fun.
- I’m very fulfilled by building the garage with Steven, family, and friends. Exhausted, but fulfilled.
- Some people are extremely touched when you reach out because it’s not something that comes naturally to them. So do it. (But also, don’t let it be on you to do ALL the reaching out ALL the time. Those relationships are too draining.)
- I need more music on my iPod. During garage work, I’ve been streaming a radio station to my blue tooth speaker, but when I was do that, I can’t take project photos because I don’t have my phone on me. I dug up an old iPod, so I can keep my phone on me, but the iPod doesn’t support newer apps or hold a lot of music. Long story long, I don’t want to listen to the same playlist twice a day, two days in a row.
- Not doing any races this year has released me from comparison to past performances and too much contemplation on my current running fitness. That’s both good and bad.
Some of my truths I thought about last week:
- If a loved one is hurt, I am hurt
- I am not good at problem solving, and I DON’T enjoy it
- I won’t like it, but I’ll survive if I cut back on running
- I prefer experiences* over gifts for the holidays
- We love having house guests and visitors – come visit us!
*Ha, while he was here last week, Dad jokingly said it’s tradition to “one up” the previous year’s gift so he’s excited to see what I gift him this year (last year was tickets to see the Rolling Stones)
Send your problems to me! I realized over the past couple of years that I really enjoy problem solving, and frequently wish I had more if it to do (professionally, at least. I’m fine with not having problems to solve in my personal life – but that’s a different kind of problem solving, I’d say!). It helps me focus and makes me feel like what I’m doing matters, which I really need to feel fulfilled in work. Otherwise I feel like I’m doing things for the sake of doing them, and I don’t like that at all.
I do agree on the experience vs. gifts thing. I already have enough stuff, and usually if I want/need something else, I’d rather buy it for myself than wait until my birthday or Christmas to get it. I’m surprised (and impressed!) that your dad is also on the experience side of things, because based on my, uh, experience (ha), people in the generation above ours do NOT connect with the experience thing at all. Maybe it’s just the people I know! But even when I specifically ask for experiences at Christmas, my mom still wants a list with physical things on it from me.
I will send them! I was specifically thinking of all the garage stuff – how to solve the trusses not being on center, what to do with OSB that’s too wide, etc. etc. Reading your comment reminds me that I’ve asked for more problem solving at work, in a certain vein to do with space and fitting people in it (like a puzzle). But most bs little things? Ugh.
Do you get the problem solving you need at work to feel fulfilled? It is so important to feel like what you are doing at work matters!
I stop buying things about 2 months before my birthday and xmas to have stuff to put on my list! And the things I want and don’t buy are too $$$! Sigh. Yeah, my dad and I have been on the same page for a long time and had this convo for years – we’d rather just spend time with people we want to spend time with (heh) than buy something just to buy it! So you ask your mom for experiences and that doesn’t jive?
I…would not say that I have even close to enough problem solving to feel fulfilled at work. Which is a bit of a bummer, but I’ve also rarely had jobs that have allowed for problem-solving, so fortunately I mostly try to find my fulfillment outside of work. But every now and again something goes wrong with the system I administer at work and I get to fix it, which I do enjoy!
Yes! Last year I even explained the whole thing: I have enough stuff, I prefer experiences, if you don’t want to buy tickets/admission/whatever to an experience specifically you can give me money explicitly for that purpose and I’ll only use it for that–nothing. Still wanted a list of actual things. I think that’s just how her side of the family is, though. We implemented a rule several years back that once you turned 26, you were no longer a “kid” and were part of the adult pool for Christmas gift-giving (where we do a Secret Santa), and my grandma (my mom’s mom) routinely ignores that rule and gets my cousins and I presents anyway. I suspect giving of physical gifts is a bit of an inherited love language with her!
I am sorry it’s like that and you don’t have more to solve. I am glad you get what you need outside of work. (It my detail a few years ago I got to solve mysteries about building space and loved it and felt so useful and I miss it.)
Good point that it’s a love language thing 😉 They mean the best and they are not gonna change (I have been learning about enneagram types and it’s really helping me understand people’s motivations and why they are the way they are). Good for you for trying to communicate it. And at least you have that pool so you get less gifts from that group! And I bet you make a lot of donations to Goodwill, ha.
These are all such useful reflections! For your running, I imagine you’re cutting back because of the other demands (work, garage) on your time. Was the decision to forego races this year intentional, or did it shake out that way?
I love visiting you! Hope I can see the garage in-person some time soon! We can listen to your one playlist over and over again, haaaa.
It just shook out this year with races! The ones I do every year, I didn’t want to do anymore/had a conflict, then I was like, meh. And now I am too busy with other things. It’s been good to take time off from it.
Thank you! We love having you guys here. Please come listen to my one playlist!!! Ha!
Totally agree on experiences over things for gifts!!! Although I am curious to hear how you are going to beat the Rolling Stones for your dad, LOL!
I am curious about that too 😉 Hee hee.
I really struggle with asking for help, too! Especially at work. I just don’t want to seem dumb. I’m trying to get better about it, though. Because it’s good to ask questions! It shows you’re invested and that you are. Just have to get out of my own way to do it, ha.
Experience > gifts, too. I wish my family did one big experience gift for Christmas rather than physical gifts. It’s so hard to figure out what to put on my wish list!
Right, you want to seem capable; that you can do things on your own! But it does show your invested. And honestly, I want my team leader to know how overloaded I am and that I need help. Ha.
Have you discussed it and they were all nah?
I love how fulfilling the garage build has been for you – I can imagine that seeing something rise from the ground to being a fully formed structure is really pleasing. Even with the headaches. In a smaller way I feel the same when I take some string and two sticks and create a pair of socks. Our brains need this kind of creative thought process time among the everyday stuff we do without having to think about it.
It is really pleasing! And it is very similar to knitting, or any creative fashion (or creating hobby). One of our huge disconnects at work for years has been we worked on designs then someone else built them and we NEVER saw how it turned out. Can you imagine? Now that we handle furniture install too (ugh) we at least get to see that go in, and the finished space, if we worked on it, then.