Yesterday was my fourteen year blogiversary!
The cats were really NOT cooperating for this photoshoot!
As always, thanks for continuing to read (and comment)!
I’ve been reflecting about these years of blogging, and wanted to share one of my biggest lessons learned – although I’m not sure I can put it in to words that way it feels in my head.
I started this blog when I was twenty, and obviously, didn’t have a lot of life experience. Throughout the years, I’ve met many people (here and in real life) going through many experiences, both good and bad ones, all of life’s big stressors – marriage, children being born, divorce, death, losing a job, moving, etc. <— you get the idea
I’ve always tried to be empathetic, thoughtful, and understanding when people are going through a major change or tough time. But what I’ve realized as I’ve gone through some of the same experiences later on, is that I had NO CLUE, NO FREAKIN’ CLUE what they were going through at the time. And I’ve looked back and felt ashamed that I was supportive in the way I was. I’ve often felt like I could have done more… but I didn’t know what that more was, as I hadn’t experienced it myself, yet.
(Honestly, the “done more” I regret not doing is reaching out more after the event to see how they are doing*, after some time has passed.)
So, the lesson. We can never fully understand what someone else is going through. We can get close, by having similar experiences, but even then – it’s different for everyone. It’s NOT our job to understand why someone is feeling some way or why they do what they do,** we just need to be supportive,*** and supportive in whatever capacity we’re capable of at that time in our life (and try NOT to feel bad later when we go through something similar and start to “get it’ more****).
*I now reach out so much, people probably want to tell me to eff off.
**It’s not our job to understand why ANYONE does what they do, friend (or family) or not. Of course, we still spend a lot of time wondering, especially for the atrocious things. But for the mundane differing life choices? Eh, it really doesn’t matter why someone wants something different than you. That’s how they’re wired. It’s probably okay. (And if it’s NOT okay and really really REALLY bugs you?! You maybe aren’t meant to be friends…)
***Of course, I am specifically talking about being supportive during major changes/tough times/etc. If someone you know is about to do something stupid, please do NOT be supportive of that action and bring the potential long-term consequences to their attention!
****When I go through something now that a friend has gone through before, I relive their pain, as I begin to better understand what it was like for them at the time.
Happy 14th!!! That is a long time to stick to something like this!
As for your reflections, I am the same with having some cringe when I look back on how I tried to empathize when someone I knew was going through something big, but age, experience, and in some cases, going through something similar later on made me realize just how much more help I could have been. I think we do the best we can in the moment and that’s good enough.
And FWIW, I can attest personally to how good you are at being supportive. 🙂
Thanks! <3
It is good enough, isn't it? It's just so hard not to feel cringey when you finally get it!
Aww, thank you!!!! 😀
Wow, 14 years! That’s really impressive! Congrats!
I have a love/hate relationship with going through old blog posts. I enjoy seeing how I’ve changed, but it’s also embarrassing at times to see what I’d write about (and how I’d write. My writing style has changed a lot since I was 20!). In regards to your reflection, though, I think you’re spot on. It’s very, very difficult to empathize with someone, even if you want to, because everyone’s situations are so different. So while you might “get it” in the sense that you’ve experienced a similar situation, it can be hard to truly “get it” unless you’re part of that situation. Fortunately, most of the time I think support is enough to make a meaningful difference to the person who needs it.
Thank you!
Gosh, yeah, my old stuff is so bad too. But I am grateful I have it, and like you said, it’s cool to see how much we’ve changed (and for me, which things still really bother me, ha). Hopefully no one else is reading it, right? 😉 ha ha
I am glad you get what I was saying… it felt so clear in my head but I was having a hard time sharing it in writing. 🙂
Happy 14, blog-daughter!
Thanks! 🙂
Woohoo, happy 14th blogiversary! That’s an amazing milestone.
I wish I was better at being supportive. Sometimes I am, but sometimes I really drop the ball and it irritates me. Especially when I go through that rough time, too, and recognize how paltry my support was. (But also, recognizing that even a simple “thinking of you” helps ME when I’m going through something.) All we can do is keep learning and growing and trying to be a bit better than we were. <3
Thank you!
Yes, you are right – all we can do is learn and improve. And I think people understand, especially when you are young, that you just don’t KNOW. (And also, they know you and know how you are!)
Congratulations on 14 years of blogging and still going strong!!!
I do think we can all relate to your feeling of being ashamed of things in the past that we would do differently now, knowing better, but we really shouldn’t feel ashamed – we were doing the best we could at the time, and now that we know better, we do better. I guess that is just part of life and the advantage to getting older and maybe even a little wiser 😉 if we are lucky!
Thank you!
Ha, if we are lucky! Good point 😉 I just need to remind myself when I have those feelings that most people will understand that I was growing and didn’t know better!