It’s been twelve days since I finished The Passion Paradox and it’s STILL on my mind. I finally returned my copy to the library yesterday, and took photos of a few pages that really spoke to me. I’ll order my own copy soon!
One of the common themes in the book is that you should pursue passions for intrinsic reasons, not for external rewards. People are more motivated to stick with a passion when it satisfies the three basic needs, NOT when they are doing it for money, recognition, or head pats.
The three basic needs (from the self-determination theory) are:
- Competency – having a sense of control over the outcome of your efforts and ability to make progress over time
- Autonomy (sometimes referred to as authenticity) – acting in harmony with your innermost being – your passions reflect your core values and beliefs
- Relatedness – the need to feel connected to and/or like you are part of something larger
This makes sense, right? If a passion satisfies the three basic needs, it’s good for us, it will feel good, and we’ll keep doing it. —> insert circular arrow chart here <— ha. You don’t have that same flow if external rewards are your motivator. (Side note: you learn this when you become a personal trainer – people are more likely to stick to goals if they are intrinsically motivated, not externally motivated.)
These three basic needs are brought up in the section of the book about finding your passions. It’s recommended to keep an eye out for activities that fulfill these basic needs, because those activities could become passions. The book actually says “meeting these needs is critical to sustaining the motivation required to turn an interest in to a passion.” In other words, if an activity doesn’t do one of these things, it’s unlikely it will become a passion!
Which brings me, long-windedly, to my point today. I think we all know (intrinsically, ha) that we feel good when these needs are being met. I’ve often thought about how I long for these needs to be met in certain areas of my life when they aren’t. (Of course, I never thought of the three of them grouped together like this!)
These three needs are fulfilled for me in running and blogging, which is why they’ve remained passions of mine for 12 and 14 years. I’m in control, and can see progress and change (when I want, ha). They let me express my core values*. They connect me to bigger communities.
All three needs are important, but the BIG one for me is a certain word in the competency category – CONTROL. I have a VERY hard time being passionate about anything I am told or forced to do. It’s just something about my personality. Some sort of resistance. Which is NOT good. A few pages in this same chapter talk about being open to new opportunities and trying things out to see if it could be a new passion. If it was a suggestion, or I got the idea on my own, it could be a new passion. If someone is forcing me to do it, I struggle. BIG TIME. That’s something for me to continually work on… especially if I am interested in finding new passions?
Anyway, reading this list makes me feel grateful I do have passions that satisfy these needs. And it does encourage me to be on the look out for other situations where these needs are met!
*I’m sure I already mentioned this, but I woke up in the middle of the night a few weeks ago during the time I was reading this book and couldn’t fall back asleep – so I worked on listing out my core values.
This makes me think about my brief(ish) foray into breakdancing several years ago. I started taking a hip hop dance class because it was something I was genuinely interested in, and here I am like six and a half years later, still taking that hip hop class. That class hits all three of those areas for me. But breakdance was something I did because I was peer pressured into it (by hip hop classmates) so that there would be enough enrollment to keep the class open. And sure, I was interested in it for awhile, but after a couple of years I really stopped caring and eventually quit. It was an interest, but since I wasn’t intrinsically motivated to do it, it never made it to passion status. Thanks for sharing more insights from this book – it sounds really interesting!
Thank YOU for sharing how it relates to your passion for dance! What do you think it is that you like better about hip hop vs break? Do the same people still take both? It is awesome that you tried it (and you stuck with it for a LONG time)!
You’re welcome! I can’t stop thinking about it, so thanks for reading about it more 🙂
I see this intrinsic vs. external reward thing when people sign up for a specific race as motivation to run more and thus get fit. The external reward of better fitness is apparently not enough (for most people) to keep running long term. However, maybe if they keep trying new things they will eventually find something else someday that will intrinsically motivate them.
YES! Good point! So many people say they have to sign up for a race to be (externally!) motivated to run! And eventually they like it for what it is, but some people NEVER do, in which case, I say the same as you – find what you love! You don’t have to be a runner!!!
This makes a lot of sense, and it relates to my biggest passions which are reading and blogging. Both of them fulfill those big markers, and I really think the connection aspect is important. For me, I find connection with the books I’m reading and engaging with other readers about books. For blogging, I have found so much connection with readers and I think it would be hard to blog day after day without that!
I love how much this book has helped you clarify things! I really need to pick it up.
I love hearing about people are getting these three basic needs from THEIR passions! So cool, Thanks for sharing! I recently had a chance to talk books with a group of people and it was REALLY fun! I’d like to do that more.
Isn’t that such an amazing part of blogging? I love documenting, but I wonder if I would still do it without some engagement!
Let me know what you think of it if you read it!
This is so interesting – thanks for summarizing it for us! I think my volunteer work definitely hits the three needs for me. And also, now that I think of it, veganism does, too – I have a sense of control over what I choose to eat as well as getting better at purchasing/ordering/cooking vegan food over time, eating this way is in line with my core values, and it makes me feel connected to something bigger than myself. I can see how if something fulfills the three needs, it does become a passion, and something you can keep doing long term.
That is awesome your volunteer work does that! And yes, duh, veganism! Why didn’t I think of that?! LOL!!!!