The tiny cramped Starbucks my coworkers and I frequent was replaced with a brand new larger snazzy one and we’re jazzed!
Well, some of us.
I noticed a coworker had Starbucks yesterday so I asked if they went to the new store and what they thought of the design and finishes of it (we’re a team of designers after all) and they couldn’t say much before someone else jumped in with how much Starbucks coffee sucks.
Sigh.
We’re not talking about that. We’re talking about SPACE. I even said, “come on, we’re talking about the design, not the products – we’re allowed to be excited.”
To which they said, “I’m allowed to say I dislike their coffee.”
Sigh.
Yes, you are. But this is something I’ve been especially conscious of lately – people who can’t be part of a conversation without saying something negative. I don’t want to be like that, but it’s SO easy to act that way when other people are! You just get sucked in.
This reaction makes me think of the “I don’t watch Game of Thrones” thing. People see others connecting on social media over the tv show and they don’t watch it or like it. They’re annoyed everyone is taking about the same thing (I TOTALLY get that!) or they feel left out or want attention, so they make their own social media post to let you know THEY DON’T WATCH IT. And then other people respond that they don’t watch it as well, and they get the connection they need. So it all works out.
But here’s a concept – if people are talking about things you don’t know about or don’t like online, you can actually just move right on. If they’re talking to you about it in person, you can be polite. People talk about current events to connect and feel like they’re part of something bigger (for example, everyone posting their photos of themselves in front of the Notre Dame Cathedral last week). And for attention. Just let them do that if it’s not causing harm! Being negative about it makes you look like a bitter hipster.
And of course, I’m not saying NOT to ever talk about things you don’t like! I need to! We all need to! But I don’t bash other people’s interests. I really am making a conscious effort to talk less about things I don’t like, and to pay attention to people around me who tend to, and ask them to talk about something they like/enjoy. (Again, WHEN appropriate – when we’re all shooting the sh*t, not when we’re in crisis mode and we need to vent to bond, or when someone is going through a difficult time, etc.)
I totally agree with this! It’s like it’s become a popular thing to talk about how crappy or overpriced Starbucks is – even though my local coffee place has higher prices…drives me crazy.
Oh yeah, like they’re the only place with high prices, right? Most of the custom shops are! They just get the most heat cause they are the name people know. Ugh.
I often think of that little you tube video you shared a while ago about it being ok to not like things just don’t be a dick about it. 🙂 It’s not hard!
Oh yes! I had forgotten about that! I need to re-watch it. This is obviously one of my repeat topics 😉
Yeah, this drives me crazy. And like the guy said, he’s allowed to say he doesn’t like the coffee. Sure. But then understand that constantly doing that just makes you seem like a bitter, negative person to those around you. So… if that’s your choice, fine. But it seems like a weird thing to choose.
Exactly, you can say it, it just MIGHT make people not want to talk to you that much… just MIGHT 😉
Hard YES! Why do people have to be like that? Live and let live!
They just must be programmed differently! Or raised differently. Or upset at everything all the time. Yes – live and let live!
Another weird thing I see is that people keep saying the “I don’t watch GOT” people are like vegans – in that we have to announce we are vegan all the time and talk about it all the time (and they are too about not watching). Sigh, I understand why that is a stereotype (I’ve met a lot of ahole outspoken vegans) but we are not like that!
No we are not! But some vegans definitely are, unfortunately. And I don’t think they help promote veganism at all.
I think the best way to promote veganism is to share great vegan food with non-vegans. Which reminds me of this great recipe I made while my friend was visiting last week – everyone liked it and it was super easy to make: https://www.hotforfoodblog.com/recipes/2018/02/05/hemp-crusted-tofu-cobb-salad/ Nom nom! 🙂
They surely don’t! Hell, they make me want to stay away from them!
That is a good idea! That looks yummy. I didn’t even know what hemp hearts were! Had you used them before?
Yes, I had. They’re good! Kind of nutty tasting.
I HATE WHEN THEY DRINK STARBUCKS COFFEE ON GAME OF THRONES!!!
OMG I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS.
First, yes. I read a study before about how easily people connect over complaining about something so that becomes our default for communication. I was in a meeting this week where everyone was just complaining about some new processes that were happening at work, and I found myself agreeing and interjecting my own complaints even though I didn’t really feel as strongly as my coworkers. It wasn’t until another coworker jumped in with a more positive comment that I realized I was just complaining for complaining’s sake. Just reminds me that positivity begets positivity, and negativity begets negativity. And I’d rather be the person bestowing positivity rather than negativity!
And yes to people who constantly have to be “guess everyone in the world is watching Game of Thrones but me.” NO. YOU ARE NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. There are MANY people who do not watch GoT. I do not watch it because I am too sensitive for that type of drama, but I love love love how passionate people are about this TV show and I wish I could join in on the discussions because it’s truly unlike anything else in pop culture today. But it happens for EVERYTHING, and it’s just so annoying because people seem to feel the need to put other people down for it. Let people love what they love, embrace their passion even if you don’t feel the same way, and move on.
End of novel. 🙂
YASSSSSSS SHARE ALL THE THOUGHTS!
I totally believe that study! I connect big time complaining with my coworkers about certain projects or processes we don’t like. But there becomes a point when it becomes too much! That is awesome you had that moment of clarity during the meeting this week. I bet you will remember that the next time everyone is on the negativity train!
And, sigh, yes. We don’t need to put each other down and act like it’s wrong to like something that is popular. GOT is the ONLY show we watch “live” (and only for the last season and this one) so this is the only time we’ve ever participated in the pop culture connectivity of it. There are many shows I read about (This is Us, for example) that people love to talk about on social media and it never crosses my mind to talk about how I don’t watch it. It makes me think “I wonder what that’s about, if I’ll like it, and if I should watch it some day!” And if they mention it to me I will probably say I don’t watch it, but ask what it’s about and what they like about it. IT’S NOT HARD FOLKS. I wish you could join the discussion too, but I still really think this is NOT your show. It’s intense. Like, I feel SUPER anxious watching it each week! To a point I get kind of moody and eat my emotions.
10/10 would read this novel again!
I read an article I saw on LinkedIn about co-workers becoming friends through complaining just last week! It said that sharing deep complaints with someone is actually a sign of trust, so a little complaining at work is actually good for us 🙂
It’s necessary, especially on those deep issues you mention! Just hearing someone has the same concern as you validates you, makes you feel better, and yes, builds trust. But I can’t get behind it when people are talking about mundane stuff and someone jumps in to sh*t all over it.
I thought about this post just yesterday when my mom was bitter hipstering a conversation! I had to keep steering her away from that, because it wasn’t at all relevant to what we were talking about. I don’t know if I would have realized she was doing that before, but now that I’m aware of it, it seems to happen a lot (not just with her)!
I definitely have bitter hipster tendencies, but I usually keep them to myself (or complain to fellow bitter hipsters, ha!). I feel like people posting about not watching GoT are just adding to the amount of posts out there about the show, so if they hate seeing that, why contribute to it??
Did your guiding help steer her away? I hope so! It’s frustrating when you want to talk about something positively or even neutrally and someone is doing that! And it makes me be more negative, in return! And you will totally notice it a ton now.
I do too, and know the people I can share them with. And sometimes ask if I can – because I don’t want to ruin their mood with my crap! Ha.
That is how I feel about the non-GoT watcher GoT posts too. They are adding to it. I really think it’s a need for attention and to feel unique? And some are just trying to be funny. Trying. Ha.
My dad picked up on it too, so we both did! It did help. It’s frustrating, and can totally shut a conversation down, which can be annoying.
I think you can usually tell when people are trying to be funny versus just being annoyed with it. A comedian I follow on Twitter doesn’t watch GoT but posted his own recap of the first episode anyway and I thought that was hilarious.
I am glad you had someone there on the same page and that it worked! I wonder if he does that to her a lot of the time!
Yes, you can! Ha, you should send me that!
Ooh, yeah, performative dislike of something is suchhhhhh a thing! And even I can feel myself doing it, but I try to catch myself now. It’s really a bad look.
I was talking to a friend about all the “I’ve been to Notre Dame!” photos that were popping up on social media. I was trying to frame it with the understanding that people want to feel connected and part of a major event. My friend took a more cynical view: that “wanting to be connected” is just another way of saying “wanting to make something about them” and I can’t say that I entirely disagree with that either.
All in all, it just made me feel even worse about social media because it gives people just a space to project their worst tendencies (either being bitter hipsters of self-absorbed) without thinking about it.
It really is. And I don’t dig it! I mean, again, at least when people are taking about something they like or something they don’t have an opinion on. People are so grumpy.
Yes! I felt both ways about Notre Dame. I think some people really did feel like they were showing sympathy by sharing that they’d been there (???) but you know people totes did it for attention.
That is what tends to happen there. OR people are COMPLETELY fake. It’s a hard balance for most folks!