Steven and I were discussing the “smile” scene (when a random man tells Carol Danvers to smile) in Captain Marvel after seeing it last night, and it made me think about how I know several women who have been asked “why don’t you smile more?” or been told “smile for me,” but that it’s never personally happened to me. Which surprises me, because I have major RBF.

Then today, at work, something similar happened. I was scrolling through my phone while heating up lunch and someone came in to use the fridge and said to me “Don’t look so serious.”

My first thought was “WTF, Steven and I just talked about this.” My second thought was “WTF, I am just trying to zone out and play on my phone while my lunch heats up.” I’d been in meetings all morning and wanted a short break.

So I told them “I’m decompressing while I heat up my lunch.” And their response was “For me, decompressing would involve golf clubs on the green on a warm day.” Okay then. I said “I hope you get to do that soon!” and they left.

My first thought was not “this person is sexist,” but “this person does not know how to make appropriate small talk in the pantry.”

Pantry small talk rules:

  • Don’t comment on what someone is eating or drinking, unless it’s to say “that looks/smells good.”
  • Don’t jump in to a work conversation with someone who is preparing food. Ask if it’s a good time to talk about it.
  • Don’t comment on someone’s facial expressions.
  • Don’t talk about religion or politics.
  • If you don’t know what to say, say “hi,” or “hi, how are you?”

(MOST). PEOPLE. SUCK. AT. SMALL. TALK.

Of course, something in this person’s upbringing makes them think it’s okay to say to me, and I don’t know if they’d say the same thing to a man. I don’t actually know this person well, which makes them saying this to me even weirder. Again, see rules above, just say hello.

But whatever their reason for saying it, it’s annoying to be zoning out and have someone greet you by commenting on your facial expression. What a useless encounter. Unless you know someone well, maybe don’t comment on their “resting” face.