Two weeks after running Grandma’s Marathon, I had a really obvious DUH! realization about why I felt down in the dumps after the race.
Like, REALLY obvious.
A photo from this morning’s run
The race made me doubt myself. Not the “can I do this?” self doubt I’ve talked about before, but “should I be doing this?” and “am I meant to do this?” self doubt. Should I be out there running marathons if I have such a weak mental game? Why couldn’t I keep up my goal pace for more than 15 miles? Why’d I let falling get in my head so much? And so on.
I had some icky feelings post race but hadn’t identified them as self doubt. The feelings were lingering without me realizing what they were.
But once I identified the feelings, I instantly felt better (okay, and the endorphins of being two weeks post race and working out more helped too), because I understood why I was feeling crummy, and could counter those feelings with logic*.
This isn’t a cry for validation, at all! It’s a celebration of acknowledging a feeling, and the action of doing that helping get through it. I tend to be someone who runs (ha ha) from certain feelings (read: eats their emotions) so this is good for me!!!
*Logic as in, “yes, keep running,” and “you had bad luck that day, it happens,” and “keep working on your mental game, girl!”
Good job, this is such a hard thing to do. I also tend to bury (aka eat) my feelings and I’m working on finding better ways to deal with things. I had to laugh to myself, because only a runner would say only 15 miles. Anyone else would be like wow, you ran at your goal pace for 15 miles, that is so far. And it is so far! Celebrate that you ran 26 miles, that is amazing!
Thank you! I felt such a sense of relief when I realized it! How crazy is that?
What ways have you found that work better? Embarrassingly, talking out loud to myself helps me (like when I walk in to the kitchen “You are not hungry, you are bored!” for example).
Thank you! 😀 It is far! And I am glad I made it that long at pace after the fall (and stomach issues).
Honestly I haven’t found that many better solutions, but mostly because I haven’t been willing to put in the work. I’m at the point where I realize oh I am only going to get a snack because I am bored, but then I don’t bother to try and find something else to do. I eat anyway!
I’ve definitely been there, so I get you 😉 It’s so ingrained in us and A LOT of work to rewire!
I think we have all been there and by no means what so ever do I think your mental game is weak. Sh*t happens and tripping right out the gate could throw anyone off. You are one of the most dedicated athletes I know, if anything now you know you should incorporate some mental training. I don’t think you need it; but having it in your back pocket may help you to feel better going into your next race.
Thank you :-* I am working on more mental stuff now! Or rather, trying to do it a lot more of the time. I think that is going to help build it up to be even stronger! I tried to use mental logic and mantras during the race but they didn’t work as well as the past (which is what makes me think it needs more time spent on it).
I agree, it helps me so much to deal with emotions once I’ve been able to identify why I feel a certain way. Sadly, it often takes way too long to identify a reason. Or sometimes I have the wrong reason and don’t feel better for a while.
Isn’t it strange (that it takes us so long to figure it out)? Like, duh, we should know ourselves, right?! But it happens to me quite a bit!
I have DEFINITELY had those thoughts about marathoning in particular, and it’s not fun to feel that way at all. I think those existential questions are a lot more troubling than questioning your ability to accomplish whatever (a certain distance, a certain time, etc.). I’m glad to hear getting to the root of your angst surrounding the race was helpful, and hopefully since you were able to identify that that’s what brought you down this time, you’ll be able to recognize that when/if it happens again and move forward appropriately and accordingly! *internet hugs*
Exactly – it’s much worse (bigger?) than “can I get this done today?!” And it wasn’t a feeling I’d had before, so it threw me for a loop. I hope I can identify it (and other feelings!) quicker next time! 🙂
Is this how you’ve felt after running Chicago the past few years? I think I recall you mentioning questioning doing it again, after running!
External validation doesn’t always help, but for what it’s worth, I always think, “Wow, Kim is naturally so well-suited for marathons. She can run so many miles without injury and puts so much thought into her races!”
I’m glad you were able to come to your realization. I’m sure it will make the next race even better (or…make it suck less if the race itself goes poorly).
Aww, thank you for saying that! 🙂 I do believe I am built for endurance! I just need to work on some things!
It will make it better, yes, even if it goes poorly as well!!!
Well, being someone who literally eats their emotions, I understand where you’re coming from…the coping mechanism deals with them so efficiently it is sometimes really hard to pin down what they are. So good for you on doing that work! I’m sure it will be helpful to you to know where it’s coming from in the future.
And isn’t it nuts how we go straight to coping and bypass thinking?!?! It blows my mind. But hey, that is how I trained my brain 😉
It’s really tough when you train for something properly and put a lot of work in- expecting a certain result and it doesn’t happen. I’m glad you were able to break down exactly what was causing you grief about the race so you could feel better. It is much better to try to identify the cause of the feelings than to wallow in misery. You ran the best race you could that day (if I remember correctly it was on the warmer side- so that didn’t help either) I know you’re mentally strong – I’ve seen it first hand 🙂
Thanks! And I know you can relate since you just went through this with Boston! Did you have to break down your emotions to get over it? Or run Copenhagen? Or did it just take time?
It was warm at the start of Grandma’s, and humid, but the temperature actually dropped in to the high 40s! So I kind of wasted perfect race weather. But it did mean my friends had awesome races which makes me happy!