What is your definition of a “people person”? Do you think you are one?
I am starting to wonder if my mom was right.
When I was in my hometown for the holiday, we were having a conversation about me not wanting to go shopping and be in large crowds, and my mom started teasing me that I just might not be a people person. To be funny, I tried to build my case as to why I was…
but I have thought about it more since then, and become even more confused. Maybe I really don’t like people (just kidding!).
I love hanging out with people when I want to hang out with them. I love being social when I want to be social. I love seeing my friends and family, and yes, I love talking to new people and even strangers. I had a conversation with the lady sitting next to me on our flight to Minneapolis last week* and honestly enjoyed it. And while I greatly appreciate my me-time and quiet time, I know that I thrive off of some interaction with others on a daily basis, hence the constant emails, texts and other methods I use to bug my friends to PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! Ha ha.
But yesterday left me for a spin. It was my first day physically back in our downtown office since before the holiday. Everyone was in. It was people overload – social stuff all day. I felt fake. I felt overwhelmed at times. I felt frustrated**. I felt anxious, thinking about all the things I wanted to get done during all of the social interactions I needed to participate in. I could talk a lot about how working from home affects the social culture of the office, and that the days we are in can be overwhelming like this, but it really isn’t appropriate, especially when working from home works so well for me (in getting work done and in a life balance sort of way) and when it is really just something I need to learn to adjust to. It’s really a Kim problem, not a work problem.
But, blah blah blah. So I had this overly social day, and then had Erin‘s fun birthday party to go to, which I had been looking forward to all week, but then found I felt drained and quiet from my day at work. Totally not like myself, and that bummed me out a bit. I had a great time, but felt more like an observer, listening to everyone’s fun conversations about their Starry Night paintings… but just not feeling “on.” Or like some of the definitions above say not “good at interacting with others,” at least in that particular moment.
So to answer my own question, I wonder if a people person is someone who is, yes, good at talking to others and makes friends easily, but maybe also someone who is almost always energized by socializing, and can handle A LOT OF IT in one day***… kind of like how we discussed extroverts finding energy from being around other people, and introverts feeling a bit drained… if THAT makes any sense. Does any of this make sense? Ha ha. I think this is the LONGEST Friday Question EVER.
*We had layovers both ways to KC
**This greatly has to do with the fact that I had work to get done but no working phone and computer issues as well.
***Even if some of it is forced, like at work.
How could someone be ALWAYS energized by socializing? I think everyone needs a certain amount of alone time just to keep a little balance. You (as in everyone) need to decompress, which doesn’t make you anti-social.
I grew up being pretty shy and quiet, but when I moved here I reinvented myself as being friendly and mostly outgoing. I was sick of being a wallflower, but I also didn’t have much choice – I didn’t know anyone here, so I’d talk to pretty much anyone. But I’m not always great in large groups, especially large groups of new people. Like, I even needed to get away from my own wedding for about 5 minutes just to catch my breath and be by myself because it was getting overwhelming.
And was it you I was telling about how, when my whole team (all 5 of us!) is in the office, we basically get nothing done because we spend the entire day catching up with each other? So that’s my observation on one way working remotely is changing the office culture. When we were all in the office 100% of the time, maybe we’d spend 5 minutes here and there chatting, but now it’s a full day!
Um, obviously this a really interesting topic for me – I could write my own post in response 🙂
You should write your own post! I especially was interested to hear the tidbit about you stepping away for a few mins at your wedding. And that you reinvented yourself.
The whole office thing is so interesting, right? Especially how at my office, we work from home, but also have shared desks now, so when you are in, it really pushes interaction. Which can be great! It just depends on your schedule for the day! Yesterday was such a stacked workday for me, with meetings and such, I felt a bit crazy and out of sorts 😉
And yeah. I am not sure if people can ALWAYS be energized… hmm.
P.S. You should come up early tonight and run with me… uh… you can shower at my place?
It’s a long day full of hugs, smiles and catching up with just about everyone you know, so I did need a little break 🙂
We don’t have shared desks just yet, but there’s talk that anyone who isn’t in the office at least 4 days/week would lose their desk. The standard used to be 50%, and although I’m not actually there that much, I am on paper so I still have a desk… for now.
Hmmm…. what time? I’d love to, but I’m thinking I may still be working this afternoon 🙁
I would be very interested to hear what your office decides about that! And I can tell you a whole lot more about our setup.
Hmm. 5:00? Run, shower, drive over?
Great post, Kim! I used to think I was an extrovert as a child but then when I started to read more and more about “extroversion” I realized that I actually might be more of an introvert. I do love to socialize with a good group of people and get a good conversation flowing. But I am not energized by chaotic scenes with lots of strangers–it totally stresses me out. I also don’t walk away from small talk feeling energized; quite the opposite, I usually feel drained!
Very interesting food for thought. Have a great weekend!
Like you, I thought I was mostly extroverted too, until I realized sometimes being uber social makes me feel that way too. Such an interesting topic. I should really read more on it 😉
I always thought of a people person as someone who was particularly good at interacting with other people, especially strangers.
P has pointed out that my job seems to be burning me out on dealing with people. My favorite part of my job is still the part where I am talking to new people on the phone and hearing their “stories”, and I think I connect/build relationships with people very easily, but after-hours I am starting to prefer more and more time to myself!
How does that change make you feel? Are you okay with it?
I guess I sort of have an attitude of “it is what it is.” I could never be in a job where I didn’t have constant people interaction–it’s all I’ve ever done and it’s still my favorite part of my job. Honestly, I think 10+ years of city life combined with my job has just overall reduced my tolerance for people overload! (I still socialize plenty, and enjoy parties, but crowds are really beginning to wear on me)
I think that is really interesting, because when people ask me why I do not live in the city, I tell them because I would not be happy being around people so much. Of course, it would not have to be that way, but I find it interesting you mentioned that! You don’t have any intention to leave, do you?
I feel like I am more of a “small group people person.” Large, often loud (background noise level REALLY affects me) groups are very overwhelming to me. Then I feel forced to feel uncomfortable until I can manufacture my own small group amidst the large one.
So short answer? I think you are normal. And I think you are super cool because you are a lot like me (so it must be so!). 🙂
Hee hee hee. I must be super cool because I think we are VERY similar and quite often thinking the same thing. 😉
If you had asked me 5 years ago if I was a people person I would have answered confidently that I am! However, I’m starting to wonder if that’s changing in the past few years. I find myself struggling to make small talk with people I don’t know well or have much in common with (I can’t come up with topics, keep the conversation going, etc.). I’m starting to wonder if this is partially due to the people I work with (where I struggle the most to make small talk with people I don’t know well or have specific things in common with). I feel like I’m only as good at conversing at the person I’m talking to sometimes. Working with a lot of introverts does NOT help.
Yeah, I have talked to a few friends about this – how some people make it really hard to keep a conversation going, and how nice it is when you find someone who talks back and actually inquires about YOUR life! 😉
I personally wonder about people who have to be around others ALL THE TIME. It makes me think they don’t like themselves very much. But maybe that’s because while I like interacting with friends I still need my own quiet time away from people. I also think it’s much more draining to interact with people you don’t know well or who you can’t be yourself around as opposed to being a group that you really like and are comfortable with.
Carolyn and I often talk about people who have to be around people all the time and how we DO NOT GET IT. Seriously. You know I love some me time. 😉
And good point. I have to act so smiley at work, that does drain me!
I get it. I like to socialize. I believe my Mother liked to socialize as well but my Dad was the homebody which was not a good combo. My husband is somewhat like that. He traveled so much that when he got a chance to sit down he hasn’t stopped (lol, well not really but you get the idea!) But I love my me time. I’m the one who is secretly glad when plans don’t work out and I can stay home sometimes. lol
Ha! I have definitely had that feeling – when someone feels so bad they have to cancel, and you are like “No, really. It is NOT a big deal. REALLY.” 😉
I am not a people person at all. I really like people, and consider myself to be friendly, but more people in a setting, the more exhausting it is for me. I get too easily overwhelmed…I do better in small groups 🙂
Everything in moderation fits here. Love this post and related quite a bit to it!!
I can relate! I am super shy at first, but then I let loose! Not in an overly obnoxious way, just you know, friendly. I got a new job, and I start in a little over a week, so I’m stressed out. I have major social anxiety, I’m getting better, but it’s a daily struggle. I seem to do very well with complete strangers (like at work with a patient, or the checkout line at Target), but when I’m put in a social situation (like hubby’s co-workers holiday dinners) I get super stressed and end up just sitting there, not saying much. I don’t know, I’m just weird I guess!!
What makes you feel stressed when talking to the sort of strangers that you are going to see again? Not knowing what to talk about?
Congrats on the new job! 🙂
No, it’s not knowing what to talk about, I fear sounding stupid to his peers. I don’t want to be “you know his wife, the dumb one”. Usually his peers are so different from my friends. They do a totally different business, and I don’t have a clue about it, which makes me uncomfortable. I think it’s easier with complete strangers, because you may not ever see them again, so if you make a fool of yourself, it really doesn’t matter. I’m good talking medical, but in reality, who wants to talk to someone who deals with bodily fluids on a daily basis?
I’m excited about my new job, it’s going to fit perfect with my school schedule! I usually do well mostly because they are all medical professionals, but I still get stressed, I just want to be liked, but doesn’t everyone want that?
Ahh, I see what you mean. Do you think your husband could prep you on some stuff next time? Some ideas of things to talk about? Do they only talk about business?!
I hear ya. I just want to be liked too 😉
I’m great at interacting with people. I work in and with the public, so I kind of have to be. But, truth be told, I’m usually faking it. I think most people are idiots. LOL So, I give myself a resounding NO, I am NOT a people person.
I think ultimately I’m an introvert. I really enjoy meeting other people & like hanging out with people, but when I’m at my lowest energy, I need my “me time” — and DON’T want to hang out with people.
I totally relate to this post! I’m not someone who likes to go out for the sake of going out. I prefer situations with people I want to be. I also really need my “me” time. I need time to decompress. I need quiet.
With that said, I’ve been told I come off as shy until the person gets to know me. I also work in sales and truly enjoy working with others in a professional setting. I have a ton of close friends that I love hanging out with, I like meeting people with shared interests and really do like to socialize.
So what am I, a walking contradiction?
LOL, I am not sure if you are… but I just cannot imagine ANYONE thinking YOU are shy! 😉
This is a great topic and I totally relate. Do you remember the Meyers-Briggs personality test that we talked about before? The “E” or the “I” on your personality type determines whether you are an extrovert who usually gets energized from others, or the “I” is an introvert who gets energized from within. I used to be an “E” but am starting to border on being an “I”. In any event, I consider a people person to be one who USUALLY likes being around other people. I think it’s rare to find someone who ALWAYS likes being around other people!
Hmm, I cannot recall if I was an E or an I! Did you post about that? Maybe I can go back and look at your comments and see what I said. LOL!
I love this post. I used to think I was a people person, but lately, I find that new people and large groups really cause me to shut down. I prefer getting to know people in smaller groups, and then once I know people better, I am more confident in a large group setting.
I completely understand what you talk about. I’m social when I want and “need” to be, but I would never be able to function properly in life without having “me time” to balance it out. I’ve always been an incredibly shy person, especially as a child, and it took YEARS to learn how to be extroverted when needed. I guess everyone is different, we should all accept and embrace it!