I was getting ready to recycle some old magazines when I ran across this quote I had dog-eared from the August issue of SELF:
I remember reading that quote in August, and thinking, “I totally agree with that.” Earlier in the year, someone I knew (not a blogger or family member) had purchased a Nikon DSLR camera, a Macintosh laptop and an iPhone – all within the span of a month or so. To me, her purchases seemed frivolous. Why did she buy all of those fancy things? She didn’t need them.
And the funny thing is, I know this person loves to spend time with her family and friends, take photos, travel, and have fun. She is not someone who is emotionally invested in things. But her purchasing all those “big ticket” items one after another made me feel weird. It made me think she was shallow, even though I know she is not. It was just a gut reaction.
Of course, Steven and I were on a pretty tight budget during that time – and still are. So any time someone makes a “big” purchase, it stands out to me. And not as jealously or judgment – just as me thinking about how people handle their money. Some are more careful, and some are more carefree.
The person who bought the camera, laptop and iPhone didn’t receive some money they were expecting, so they were not able to take a photography class they planned on, and have been on a super tight budget since making those purchases. I feel bad for her.
Do you like someone less if they habitually shell out for “fancy” brands? Do you notice when people make a bunch of “big ticket” purchases? What does it make you think about them?
This post makes me sound really rotten, but I want to stress that I felt that way about that person because they bought all of that stuff within a short time frame, and to me, that seemed irresponsible. In the begining, when she had just bought the camera, I was super excited for her and kept asking her to show me her photos (I still do). But when she bought everything else, I had the “Oh, really?” reaction. It just seemed like SO MUCH. Does that make sense? It is the “habitual” part of the equation, even though it wasn’t even really habitual for her!
And yes, I know, her finances are NONE of my business. NONE whatsoever.
NOTE: This has nothing to do with going shopping with my mom and sister this weekend. Holiday shopping at the outlet malls is a bit different than purchasing expensive items for yourself.
If people want to splurge all the time it is between them and their bank but when that is all they talk about that is when I tune them out.
Oh boy, this is an interesting subject because I had a recent incident like this with a friend and I’m still kind of bothered by it. Although in this case, I was the purchaser.
I bought some new headphones at the Bose outlet and they still cost me $100. Which I realize is ridiculous, but they are seriously the most comfortable headphones I’ve ever had and the sound is awesome, and I use my mp3 player every day.
My friend I was shopping with gave me a REALLY HARD time about it, and while I can understand her concern, the irony to me is that my stupid mp3 player only cost me $8.00 on clearance from an online electronics store.
Anyway. I feel self conscious buying expensive things for myself but I get really perturbed when people give me a hard time about it.
But you don’t habitually do that, right? I think it is one thing to plan and buy a nice pair of headphones (I have my eye on some bluetooth ones right now) and another thing to go out and buy them, then an expensive MP3 player, and a few weeks later some other large item…
Why do you think your friend acted that way? Was it a caring “are you sure you want to buy that?” that got out of control or something else?
I tend to look the other way, most of the time. The only time people’s personal spending habits gets under my skin is when they spend the way you were describing, and then proceed to COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW BROKE THEY ARE. Grrrr…drives me batty.
I know quite a few people who do that and it makes me batty too!
I completely agree with this statement. I only seem to notice the big ticket items people purchase when it’s followed by, I’m sooo broke-waaaah!
It really only bothers me when I know for a fact that they are spending money they don’t really have or then complain that they have no money after bragging about all their new apple computer! For example, some of my step siblings buy big ticket items, have all the new best stuff, clothes full price, then proceed to complain that they have no money and get my dad or their mom to pay for dinners, groceries, clothes, etc. It really burns me!
Hmm, I guess that I don’t really think about it in that context. One of my friends is on a super super tight budget yet purchases very expensive items that she cannot afford, then complains about debt/having no money. That is frustrating to me.
I have such a hard time buying things for myself. I think the last big purchase I made was my laptop a few years ago, and even then I kept it under $400. My next big purchase is going to be a new camera, but my brother and mom are also pitching in to help (birthday present). I have such a hard time buying big items, even if I know I need them. And I know I wouldn’t be able to buy all those things in a short time frame! It just feels excessive to me.
Personally, I do judge. Unless I know this person has a safety net and just wants to treat themselves, I just think it’s irresponsible. You don’t need all this stuff. You just think you do and want to look good in front of others.
This post TOTALLY makes me think of one of my friends. She had to get the iPhone because it’s “the iPhone” she has ALL lulu lemon clothing because you know, “it’s lulu”. She goes to Starbucks every morning because she feels good about how she looks when she has a Starbucks coffee in her hand. She just got a new Macbook Air because it’s the NEWEST mac and she “had to have it”. (I think her parents pay for most of her purchases which infuriates me the most)
So yes, it does annoy me and does make me think differently of her!
Interesting topic. Clearly you hit a soft spot with me 😉 I guess I am a little jealous but mostly I think it just annoys me that anyone would be like that.
Thank you – I am of the same mindset. I was worried NO ONE would get what I was saying. It irks me when people have to have the newest thing because it’s new.
I am so sorry to hear about the accident in your home town. I hope you are having a better day today!
I think some of it comes down to if the person brags about it. If someone goes out and buys $500 shoes or whatever but never says anything about it then you’ll never know. But if they feel the need to bring it up in conversation it makes me wonder why they felt they needed to say anything. Are they compensating for something? Trying to justify their purchases in some way? I think it’s a lack of self-confidence that comes through and maybe that’s why it makes us not like them as much.
it bothers me if i then have to hear about how broke they are, eg they’re making financially irresponsible purchases and then complaining about it. if they buy a lot of fancy stuff, even if it’s all at once, though? i can’t say it bothers me. i mean, not if it’s things they really want (and i personally can completely understand wanting a dslr and a nice laptop!) as opposed to buying “name brand” things because they think it will make themselves look better / more important / whatever. but the basic fact of them splurging on stuff… meh.
It’s so funny that you bring this up because my partner and I were just talking about what we spend money on. Living in the LA area, I do feel that people are far more materialistic and image-driven than I am, and part of that image is the car and everything else. We are a one-car family, definitely don’t try to be super cool or hip and we aren’t trying to keep up with the neighbors. I admit that I like to shop and I like clothes, but I usually restrain myself and I don’t EVER buy designer brands (unless you count Patagonia and Anthropologie as designer.
We did think about what we spend money on, and it really is experiences – we love to travel and we probably travel more than the average person, and that’s definitely an expense, but we don’t travel first-class AT ALL! Also, we don’t spend money that we don’t have. When we travel, we make sure that we have a budget and that we have money in the bank well before we make plans. Okay, I’m rambling… It is an interesting topic, though, and I do think that it can give you a glimpse of a person’s priorities, but not always. I have a good family friend and her dad has a Porsche, which totally smacks of materialism to me. But, I know that he is a wonderful man who is not image-conscious, so it challenges my desire to put all Porsche owners into a box. I guess it’s more complex than just labeling people.
You bring up such a good point – what people spend their money on may give us an image in to their lives, but it may not be the whole picture! I was lusting after the Porsche Cayenne for my first car but it was way out of my budget. And the car I ended up with is nice – so I am sure some people think I am too materialistic in that sense!
It’s personal for everyone, I suppose 😉
Actually, I find the original quote from Self magazine quite annoying. If you go back and look at it, what it is saying is that you should spend your money on experiences like trips rather than fancy items so that OTHER PEOPLE won’t think less of you. IMHO, it is ridiculous to choose what to spend your money on based on OTHER PEOPLE’S reactions.
I kind of thought it was just pointing out the fact that if you are always buying “fancy” stuff other people may notice and think less of you. But as other people said, unless you are bragging about it, how would they even know? And like you said, you should never base what you spend your money on on what other people think! That is just crazy!
Honestly, I don’t care how other people choose to spend their money. It’s THEIR money. However, I do feel that way about myself. I bought a lot of expensive scuba gear around the same time that I booked a vacation, which, if you think about it, actually makes sense… but I felt incredibly frivolous about it. Probably because I know other people think it’s a stupid thing to spend money on, but it’s MY money, after all.
<3 <3
I guess I am lucky to be in an environment where most of the people I know are not materialistic at all, because this never occurred to me! I think the US is much more consumer oriented in general than here in Europe, which is one of the things I like about living here. Of course, my teenage boys might have a different story to tell you…
It drives me absolutely INSANE when people make frivolous purchases I know they can’t afford. This is regardless of whether or not they complain about their broke status (though of course it makes it worse when they do that). Makes me want to plop people down in a personal finances course! These people will have a hard time retiring…
What an interesting discussion (that I am joining late)! I definitely notice (Read: get annoyed) when people seem like they are purchasing things just for the name/label. Some bloggers seem to buy stuff all the time, and I always think, “Geez. What happened to that laptop/camera/bike you bought? Is it gathering dust??”
I think things like that too!
Mica and I are on the same (late) page. There were a few blogs that I had to make myself stop reading because I would get frustrated that they were making crazy purchases and then complaining about how it’s ‘so hard’ to make their budget work. But I’ll stop at that before I rant too much.
One thing I was thinking about the other day was how I really want to spend my money. (Since my life is 100% different from 6 months ago, I’ve been really invested in what and how I spend my money.) I’m really happy in teaching myself that I don’t need ‘stuff’ and trying to resist buying it – I’ve moved more towards investing in experiences (like traveling to the east coast, spending time with friends, and completing events). I have much more satisfaction in fostering friendships than in wearing a new shirt alone at home!
i am the non brand queen. i get teased a lot due to my thrifty-ness….but really, when i see someone with a coach bag or a gucci something or other, all i think is that its a waste of money. maybe not for that person, but definitely for me. i’d rather save and have the extra cash in case something goes wrong, than have a purse that i’ll likely not use in six months! 🙂
Gustavo and I were talking a little bit about this the other night. I was raised comfortably – got a little more, a few more experiences than my siblings because I had divorced parents and saw my dad on weekends… But, even now, I am not at all materialistic. My siblings and I are all pretty low-key, though my sister-in-law has been acting a lot more materialistic, complaining about their house, spending a lot of time at the spa, will not carrying anything less than a Coach bag, brags about her traveling, etc. – and even wants to short-sale their house just because they don’t like their neighborhood and want to move into the city (they CAN make their payments). It really annoys the sh*t out of me! Especially because it’s only been since she married my brother last year.
It’s not jealousy; we can pretty much have anything that we want right now. But we choose carefully what to spend on, what we want in the future, and save. Sometimes I mention something if I’m really excited about it; but I don’t brag that, for example, I was given a $200 necklace on a whim the other evening to attend a fundraiser dinner. You know?
I don’t use credit (auto and student loan exceptions); if I can’t pay for it or pay it off at the time of purchase, I will NOT buy it. Also: I love Target; it’s my favorite store. 🙂